


For as long as I am breathing

by Laughingvirus



Series: Have my heart, have my soul [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Swan Prince AU, royal au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 05:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16612916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laughingvirus/pseuds/Laughingvirus
Summary: "I’m Chan,” he continued and Felix just nodded, his heart about to burst through his ribcage. Chan reached out a hand, palm open and Felix just looked at it. “May I?”“Oh,” Felix said, his brain suddenly remembering everything he’d been taught on how to greet people and he placed his hand in Chan’s. Chan’s hand was so much larger than Felix’s but his grip was so careful as he brought it up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of Felix’s chubby hands.“It’s nice to meet you, Prince Felix,” he said, grinning widely and Felix’s couldn’t hold back the smile stretching on his lips.





	For as long as I am breathing

 

 

 

 

“You look nervous,” his father noted as their carriage was making its way towards the castle. Felix tore his eyes off the nature outside the window, chewing on his bottom lip as he just looked at his father. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” Felix said, looking back to the outside just as they rolled into the capital city of the neighbor kingdom. “I’m just excited to be back.”

His father hummed, not pushing the matter further and Felix stared at the city outside his window. There were people noting their carriage, some children waving to him and adults just giving them a short nod. Felix had been spending every summer in this place since he was five, he was by now very familiar with the town.

He reached up to touch the golden necklace around his neck, his heart speeding up ever so slightly.

The carriage finally came to a stop outside the castle and excitement was swirling in Felix’s stomach. His father stood up, moving to get out of the carriage before Felix. As he stood on the ground, he held out his hand for Felix to take as he ascended the two steps down to the ground. He took a deep breath as the looked up, meeting Chan’s eyes for the first time in almost a year.

He was dressed in a black fitted jacket, golden buttons on both sides down the whole front of it, its edges lined with gold and golden epaulettes with chains adored the shoulders. It reached up his neck, the fit snug and it made the whole outfit seem even more uptight. Chan’s brown hair was combed, neatly brushed out of his eyes with soft curls framing his face. It made Felix’s heart beat a little faster and he couldn’t hold back the wide smile on his face as his step quickened just the slightest.

“Felix,” Chan said, the name just slipping past his lips as a whisper and there was this familiar warm look in his eyes, dimples deep in his cheeks as he smiled when Felix stopped in front of him. Felix just smiled, trying to get in control over his emotions before even attempting to speak. He knew that his father, and probably Chan’s mother, knew of how much he adored the older prince and that greeting Chan in a less regal manner wouldn’t be a big issue. But he wanted to try and keep it as formal as possible, as he had been taught.

Chan reached out, gently taking Felix’s smaller hand in his. Felix held his breath as Chan leaned down slightly, bringing his hand up to press a soft kiss on the back of Felix’s hand.

“It’s good to see you, my prince,” he said, straightening his back before letting go of Felix’s hand, his fingers lingering for just a second longer than what would be considered normal.

“It has been a while,” Felix said, trying his best to keep his voice steady and Chan smiled again, his dimples getting even deeper and Felix’s could feel his knees buckling ever so slightly. “It is very good to see you.”

“Felix my dear,” Chan’s mother cooed, cradling Felix’s face in her hands. “You’ve grown so much in just a year. Such a handsome young man.” Felix could feel his cheeks heat up and he tried to look down, avoid eye contact with both Chan and his mother.

“Mother,” Chan said softly. “You’re embarrassing him.”

“Oh,” the queen said, laughing as she let Felix go. “I got a bit too excited. I apologize my dear.”

“No, it’s all good,” Felix said politely, his cheeks still warm as he lowered his head a little, glancing up at Chan through his eyelashes. As he met the gaze of the older prince, he immediately looked down again, his cheeks getting even warmer.

“Well,” the queen said, clapping her hands together as she looked over to Felix’s father. “Shall we go inside? Dinner is being prepared at the moment. We’ll give you some time to settle in and we can talk more over dinner.”

“Sounds wonderful,” his father said and the queen smiled before turning around to walk towards the castle. Felix father followed and Chan gave Felix one last, lingering glance before he too turned around. Knowing no one saw him, Felix just pouted but he didn’t say anything as he followed them into the castle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix stared up into the high ceiling of his room, his lips pressed together and brows furrowed. He always stayed in this bedroom during the summers and it had always held a sense of home and familiarity to it. But tonight it felt cold, even in the warm summer nights air, and empty somehow. It was like it was too quiet and the bed was too big for him alone. With a sigh he sat up, running a hand through his thick, dark hair.

He looked around the room, chewing on his bottom lip a little as he adjusted his silk shirt, opening the top button to give himself some breathing space before he moved to the edge of the bed. He let his feet just dangle above the floor for a second, his mind spinning before he got out of bed.

The marble floor was cold against his bare feet but the air was warm as he carefully walked across the room to the heavy door leading into the hallway. With delicate hands, he pushed down the handle and opened the door carefully, mindful to not let it creak.

The castle was silent, peaceful as he padded down the hallway. Burning candles adored the beautiful white and golden walls, providing him some light along with the silver light of the moon that shone through the large windows on the other side of the hallway.

It was a bit of a risk, he knew that, but he swallowed the worry as he carefully knocked on Chan’s door. He held his breath, turning his head to the left and right to see if anyone else had heard the knocks.

Suddenly the door creaked open and Felix jumped in surprise, turning back to face Chan. This Chan in front of him was Felix’s favorite Chan. Gone was whatever makeup he had to wear during formal occasions, the slightly dark circles under his eyes on display, his hair was curly, unruly and messy after he had ran his hand through it too many times. He was wearing a loosely fitted white shirt, giving him space to breathe and actually move.

Felix tried to bite back a happy squeal before he threw his arms around Chan’s neck, burying his face in Chan’s chest. Chan laughed as he pulled Felix inside, his chest vibrating.

“Hello my little prince,” he cooed, cupping Felix’s cheek as Felix looked up. “Why are you here in the middle of the night?” he asked, reaching with his free hand to pull the door closed.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Felix murmured and Chan hummed, the sound so soothing and familiar to Felix. “And I missed you. A year without you was far too long.”

“You did have dinner with me,” Chan pointed out, leaning in to rest his forehead against Felix’s. Felix just rolled his eyes before looking right into Chan’s warm, brown eyes.

“That was barely any quality time,” he said and a grin stretched on Chan’s lips. Felix reached up to place a hand on Chan’s chin, gently stroking his thumb over Chan’s skin. “I just wanted to get some alone time with you but no we had to sit by the table and listen to our parents discussing politics.”

“You’re awfully whiny today, duckling,” he said, using Felix’s childhood nickname; his eyes crinkling as his grin got even wider and he rubbed his nose against Felix’s. Felix could feel his ears heat up and he just pouted.

“We’re already getting married,” he said, noting how Chan froze for a second. “So what’s the point of them discussing and dancing around the fact that they’re planning to have us marry next summer?”

“You know…” Chan said slowly, his face serious as he brushed some of Felix’s hair away from his forehead. “Remember that you are not forced to marry me,” he whispered, a somewhat insecure look making its way to his eyes. “You have a choice.”

Felix sighed, placing his other hand on Chan’s cheek, cradling his face in his hands as he held eye contact with Chan.

“I know I do,” he replied, moving just a centimeter closer. His lips were just ghosting over Chan’s and he could feel the shuddering breath that escaped Chan’s slightly parted lips. “And I want to marry you,” he finished, pressing his lips against Chan’s.

A year’s worth of pent up emotions just washed over Felix in a second. He’d spent days, weeks, months, just missing Chan. They had kept in touch, exchanging letters but the letters were slow and not enough for Felix. He wanted to hold Chan in his eyes, to share cold winter nights, to just be with him and make sure that he was real.

The kiss was sloppy as Felix was way too eager, his chest pushing up against Chan and Chan laughed against Felix’s lips.

“I missed you,” he whispered, slightly out of breath before kissing Felix again, his hand on Felix’s jaw. This kiss was slower, calmer as Chan took the lead and Felix held onto Chan’s nightshirt, hands grasping the soft fabric tightly. “I missed you so much, duckling,” he continued as they parted and Felix smiled, pressing his lips against the corner of Chan’s lips.

“Can I stay the night here?” he asked, lips brushing over Chan’s skin and Chan hummed, sliding his hand to the back of Felix’s head to tangle his fingers in Felix’s dark hair. “I want cuddles.”

“Of course you can,” Chan said softly, brushing his nose against Felix’s and chuckled. “I suppose I can give you some cuddles too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix woke up the following morning as Chan carefully traced lines on his face, his fingers just barely touching Felix’s skin. The gentle touch was just slowly pulling him back to consciousness and his eyes fluttered open. As soon as he opened his eyes, his gaze met Chan’s. Chan was laying on his stomach, supporting himself with one arm as the other traced patterns on Felix’s face.

“Good morning,” Chan whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss on Felix’s nose. Felix giggled, reaching up to just brush his fingers over Chan’s jaw before letting his hand drop back to hit the soft mattress. As Chan continued to trace his finger over Felix’s face, Felix stretched his hands above his head, stretching his legs as far as he could and just let out a small whine as he did.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked, bringing his hand back to rub his eye. Chan hummed, eyes fixed on Felix.

“You were here,” he said quietly and Felix laughed as he leaned down to press a soft kiss on his cheek. “Of course I slept well,” he continued and as he pulled back, Felix just took the moment to stare at him. His brown hair was so messy, sticking in every direction possible and Felix couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, reaching up to run his fingers through the messy curls. But even with his hair this messy and eyes still sleepy, Chan was so stunningly beautiful to Felix. In the soft morning light with the golden and white ceiling above him, he truly looked like the sun.

“I love you so much, sunshine,” Felix whispered, words only for Chan to hear, brushing some of Chan’s messy hair behind his ear. Chan grinned, laying down beside Felix. He laid on his side and Felix shifted so he too laid on his side, face to face with Chan. Chan’s hand was resting on Felix’s cheek, thumb absentmindedly stroking Felix’s skin.

“I love you too, duckling,” he whispered and Felix’s heart swelled with love. He inched a bit closer, eyes locked with Chan’s and he didn’t stop until their noses were almost brushing together.

“What were you doing earlier?” Felix asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled in the room. Chan grinned, eyes crinkling up to small crescent moons.

“I was… I was just making sure you’re real,” he whispered and Felix playfully rolled his eyes. “I was counting every little angel kiss on your face, my prince.”

“Why wouldn’t I be real, love?” he asked, reaching out to stroke the back of his fingers over Chan’s cheek.

“I don’t know,” Chan breathed, his eyes holding so much love that it almost made Felix’s heart ache. “I just can’t believe you’re here duckling.”

A sudden knock on the door broke whatever bubble they were in and Chan widened his eyes. He gave Felix’s cheek a small pat before sitting up.

“Just keep quiet for a second, alright?” he whispered and Felix nodded, biting back a grin on his lip. “Yes?” Chan asked, voice louder and clear.

“Prince Chan,” a servant’s voice came from the of the door. “May I come in?” he continued. Chan threw a quick glance down at Felix before pulling the blanket over Felix’s head. Felix had to hold back a snort, knowing fully well that this was a terrible idea.

“You may,” Chan said and Felix could hear the door creak open.

“The queen is requesting your presence at breakfast,” the servant said and Chan hummed.

“I will get dressed and head down to the dining hall,” he said in the tone of the prince and Felix had to cover his face to not make a sound. “Tell my mother I’ll be right with her.”

“As you wish,” the servant said. There was a pause, a second of silence before he spoke again. “Do you wish me to fetch prince Felix’s clothes?”

Chan sighed and Felix could only picture him running a hand through his hair. “Yes please,” he said. Another silence filled the air and then the door clicked shut as the servant left them. The blanket was folded back and Felix squinted in the sudden light. When his eyes got used to the brightness, he looked up to meet Chan’s eyes. Chan had an eyebrow raised as he stared down at Felix.

“Everyone already knows, sunshine,” he pointed out and Chan groaned, falling back into the bed beside Felix. “I personally don’t see the point of trying to hide it anymore.”

“You know why we need to keep it low, duckling,” Chan said, rolling over to lay on top of Felix. Felix let out a groan as Chan settled his weight on top of him, laugh bubbling in his chest. Chan grinned, burying his face in the crook of Felix’s neck, his curls tickling Felix’s chin. “I know you don’t like it, I don’t either, but we have to,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss against Felix’s neck.

“I know,” Felix grumbled. “It wouldn’t look good if we were found out, not even engaged.”

Chan hummed, his chest vibrating against Felix’s before he rolled off Felix. As he did, he gently grabbed a hold of Felix’s waist, tugging him along, flipping their positions. Felix shifted a little, sitting on Chan’s abdomen and just looked down on him. Chan was smiling, his dark hair a stark contrast to the white sheets and Felix couldn’t help but lean down, taking Chan’s face in his hands, to kiss him again.

“I don’t think I have the words to even describe how much this annoys me,” he said as he pulled back, lips just ghosting over Chan’s. “Why can’t I just love you openly?”

“I don’t know duckling,” Chan said, his hand coming up to the back of Felix’s head, his fingers tugging gently at the hair. “I would love to be able to kiss you openly, but for now this is how things are.”

“I don’t like it,” Felix grumbled, frowning as Chan craned his neck a little to kiss Felix.

“Stop frowning,” Chan cooed and Felix just frowned even more. “Come on duckling,” he said, humor lacing his voice and Felix pouted. “You should stop frowning and kiss me before we leave the room, who knows when we’ll be able to kiss again.”

Oh.

Felix blinked as he realized Chan was right and he leaned in to kiss him again. He moved his lips against Chan’s slowly, wanting to just prolong this moment, savor it. Chan laughed against his lips, the hand on the back of Felix’s head tugging him a little bit closer to deepen the kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Felix was five years old when he met Chan for the first time. His memory was vague, as he had been so young, but he remembered certain things as clear as crystal. He remembered the carriage ride, vaguely so. It was a longer ride, longer than any of the trips he’d been to before but he kept silent, kicking his legs and staring out the window as the landscapes kept changing. The endless golden fields slowly morphed into smaller fields surrounded by thick forest and high mountains._

_He had been told that they would stay here for the summer, which he didn’t really understand but his father had told him he would meet new friends, so he didn’t fuss about it._

_The carriage suddenly came to a halt and Felix stared at his father with wide eyes, his little heart racing in his chest. He suddenly felt scared. What if his new friends didn’t like him?_

_“Come on,” his father said, his tone soft and Felix blinked, chewing nervously on his bottom lip before he exited the carriage after his father. His father held out his hand, taking Felix’s small one to help him down the two steps of the carriage._

_He could see them, the prince and his mother, waiting for them by the gatehouse leading into the castle. He held onto his father’s hand, chubby hand wrapped around two of his father’s fingers._

_“Welcome,” the Queen said as they approached, opening her arms and Felix’s heart leaped, his grip of his father’s hand tightening. He was really scared. “How wonderful to see you again, it has been far too long,” she continued and Felix just slowly moved to hide behind his father’s legs._

_“It really has,” his father replied, not really minding Felix as Felix wrapped his arms around his leg. “Oh look at you Chan,” his father continued, turning his attention to the prince. “You’ve become quite tall.”_

_“Children, all they do is grow and I can’t keep up,” the Queen said and Felix just peeked out from where he was hiding to look at the other prince._

_He was taller, older than Felix, his brown hair curly and unruly. He was wearing a white shirt, much like Felix but instead of ruffles around his neck, the collar was fitted and he wore a blue vest over it, silver embroideries adoring it. Felix blinked, eyes wide as he suddenly made eye contact with the older prince. His eyes were a warm brown and as he smiled wide, Felix could see dimples in his cheeks. His heart fluttered, like a little hummingbird in his chest and he tightened his grip of his father’s pants and hid his face again, breaking eye contact with the older prince._

_“He’s a bit shy,” his father said, placing a hand on Felix’s head to stroke his hair gently. “It’s okay,” he assured and Felix looked up at him, his heart still pounding. “You can go and say hi.”_

_Felix took a moment to just study his father’s face, making sure it was really okay, before he loosened his grip of the fabric. He held his head low as he took a small step out from his hiding place, his cheeks warm and he tugged nervously on the ruffled sleeves around his wrists._

_“Hello,” he mumbled, just barely audible before he dared to look up. “I-I’m Felix.”_

_“Oh look at you,” the Queen cooed, her tone gentle and it made Felix feel a bit better. “You grew up handsome.”_

_His cheeks heated up even more and Felix had to look down._

_“Come on Chan,” the Queen continued, and Felix peeked up again at the prince. “Introduce yourself,” she said, giving the prince a pat on the shoulder. He was still smiling, eyes crinkling and dimples getting deeper. He took a few steps forward, slow and careful as if not to scare Felix._

_“Hello,” he said, his voice soft and Felix slowly looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m Chan,” he continued and Felix just nodded, his heart about to burst through his ribcage. Chan reached out a hand, palm open and Felix just looked at it. “May I?”_

_“Oh,” Felix said, his brain suddenly remembering everything he’d been taught on how to greet people and he placed his hand in Chan’s. Chan’s hand was so much larger than Felix’s but his grip was so careful as he brought it up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of Felix’s chubby hands._

_“It’s nice to meet you, Prince Felix,” he said, grinning widely and Felix’s couldn’t hold back the smile stretching on his lips._

_“It is nice to meet you,” Felix replied, stumbling a bit on his words but Chan just smiled, giving him the time to talk, “Prince Chan,” he finished, his ears warm. Chan let go of Felix’s hand as his mother clapped her hands._

_“Splendid,” she said, glee in her voice. “Shall we go inside? The journey must have been tiring. I’ll have someone show you to your room.”_

_“That sounds wonderful,” Felix’s father agreed, walking up to Felix’s to let Felix’s take his hand. He looked down at Felix, smiling softly as Felix grinned at him. “We wouldn’t say no to some rest, would we?”_

_“No,” Felix said, turning his head to look at the Queen. With the nervousness gone, all his lessons on how to act came back to him and he straightened his back, puffing his chest just a little. “It sounds w-wonderful,” he continued, stuttering a little as he tried to remember what word his father had used._

_“Come along then,” the Queen said, turning around to walk back into the castle. Chan gave Felix a last smile and a little nod before he too turned around to follow his mother. Felix gave his father’s fingers a little squeeze and his father just chuckled as they went into the castle._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sun was high on the sky, looking down on the open field with its warm rays. Felix was thankful that the field was a bit to the side, not too close to the castle and away from people. He wanted to spend his days alone with Chan where they could just not care about possible onlookers. The fields for archery practice was a good place to get away.

Felix pulled the string of the bow back, his eyes fixed at the target in front of his him as he aimed. He exhaled calmly, releasing the arrow. It went through the air silently, quickly hitting the second ring on the target and he couldn’t hold back the curse. Behind him, he could hear Chan chuckling and the grass rustled gently as he closed the space between them.

“You’re lucky your father wasn’t here to hear that,” he said, placing his hands on Felix’s waist as Felix lowered the bow. Chan pressed a gentle kiss on Felix’s neck, nuzzling his nose into the soft skin.

“It was a bad shot,” Felix said, reaching for another arrow from the quiver on his belt. Chan hummed, kissing Felix’s neck once again before letting him go, giving him space to draw his bow again. He rolled his shoulders once, taking a deep breath before pulling the string back again. He took a second to focus, to aim, before releasing the second arrow. The string of the bow snapped against his leather bracers as he watched the arrow. This one sailed through the air with a bit more speed than the first, hitting the center of the target.

With a wide grin stretching his lips, Felix spun around to face Chan. Chan was smiling softly, his eyes holding so much adoration as he clapped his hands.

“I didn’t think the first shot was all that bad,” he said as Felix unstrung the bow. Felix just shrugged, placing his bow to the side. “But,” he continued, gently taking Felix’s face in his hands as he approached, “I am not very good at archery, am I?”

“You’re not, sunshine,” Felix cooed, grinning as Chan kissed him.

“When are you going to let that nickname go?” he asked, his voice so soft and loving when they parted. Felix only grinned wider, eyes crinkling as he did.

“When you let duckling go,” he replied, laughing when Chan leaned closer to kiss him again. “So I guess... never,” he murmured, his lips just ghosting over Chan’s.

“I guess so,” Chan hummed, pressing a third, short kiss on Felix’s lips before letting his face go. “Are you done practicing?”

“Yeah,” Felix said, looking back at his bow over his shoulder before his eyes fell on Chan’s bow. “Do you want to try?” he asked, looking back to meet Chan’s eyes. A lopsided grin stretched his lips and he shook his head, amused.

“Not really,” he admitted, raising an eyebrow as Felix pouted at him. “Don’t look at me like that, duckling,” he said, brushing the back of his hand over Felix’s cheek. Felix just pouted even more, knowing very well how weak Chan was for this. “I may need some help thought,” he finally said and Felix flashed him a toothy grin.

Chan just shook his head as Felix bounced over to pick up Chan’s bow. “Do you want to string it?” he asked and Chan heaved a deep sigh, shaking his head.

“You know fully well that I’d rather not,” he said, rolling his eyes when a laugh bubbled in Felix’s chest. Felix had always had a knack for archery while Chan was more of a close range kind of person and when they were younger, when Chan still tried his very best with archery, there had been an incident with Chan and the process of stringing the bow.

Felix had been 16 and had since long mastered the art of swiftly stringing a bow. He had watched with amusement as Chan struggled with the bow but before he could offer to help Chan, the string had snapped and hit Chan in the face. That was four years ago and Chan had vowed to never string a bow unless he really had to.

Chan picked up his bow, taking a deep breath before handing it over to Felix. Felix gently took it in his hands, fastening the string on the lower ring, the moon ring. In a swift and well-practiced motion, using his weight to push down on it, bending it so he could fasten the string on the upper ring, the sun ring.

“There we go, sunshine,” he said, lopsided grin on his lips as he handed the bow to Chan. Chan just shook his head, taking a deep breath as he reached for an arrow in the quiver on the ground.

As he turned towards the target, Felix moved so he could stand behind him and when he pulled the string back, Felix placed a hand on the arm pulling the string.

“Lower your elbow a little, love,” he instructed, his chest almost pressed against Chan’s back, reaching his other hand to carefully wrap his fingers around Chan’s wrist. “And adjust your aim a little,” he continued, tugging at Chan’s wrist to adjust the aim. “I don’t know what you’re aiming at but the whole point is to aim at the center.”

Chan snorted, not saying anything as he focused his eyes on the target before releasing the arrow. It didn’t miss, like Chan’s arrows usually did, but it hit the second outer ring and Felix chuckled.

“You’re just rubbing it in,” Chan said as Felix laughed, wrapping his hands around Chan’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. He could hear the pout in Chan’s voice. “I don’t think I’m meant for archery.”

“I don’t think you are either,” Felix agreed, pressing his lips against the fabric of Chan’s jacket. “Also, I do think that your choice of clothing may affect this a little bit,” he pointed out, moving one of his hands from Chan’s waist to run it down the sleeve of his jacket. “This jacket is a tad bit restricting.”

Chan laughed, gently grabbing Felix’s hand on his waist, moving it to spin around so he was face to face with Felix. Felix grinned sheepishly, a small giggle slipping past his lip and Chan reached up to brush some of his dark brown hair away from his forehead.

“We can’t all look good in loose clothing, can we?” he said, leaning in to press a kiss in the corner of Felix’s lips. Felix giggled again, wrapping his arms around Chan’s neck just as Chan rested his free hand on Felix’s waist. “I’ll leave that look to you duckling.”

“It might be a biased opinion,” Felix began, eyes locked with Chan. “But I think you look good in everything.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The first summer that Felix spent alone in Chan’s kingdom, was the year he turned ten. His father had decided that it was time for Felix to be a bit more independant and had only stayed in the castle for a week before returning home, leaving Felix alone. Now looking back on that summer as an adult, ten years later, Felix was pretty certain that this was the period when he started falling in love with Chan. Falling in love with Chan had been a process, a slow one as their relationship continued to grow over the years._

_When Felix was ten, Chan and his mother came to visit him and his father in their kingdom. It wasn’t often they visited, as they had only been there to celebrate Felix’s birth, his fifth birthday and now his tenth._

_“It’s only been a month since you saw him,” his father commented as he and Felix stood by the gatehouse, waiting for the carriage to arrive. “You can stop bouncing,” he said, no malice in his voice as he looked at Felix, obviously amused._

_“I’m just-” Felix stopped, frowning deeply. “I’m just really excited to show him the castle after we remodeled,” he finished, grinning widely at his father. His father just chuckled, shaking his head. They continued to way in silence, Felix just bouncing a little on his heels until the carriage_ finally _pulled in and stopped ahead of them._

_Felix’s heart did a little flip as he saw Chan exiting the carriage after his mother. He was wearing a fitted black jacket, silver buttons and silver trim paired with white pants. Felix pouted and looked down on himself. He was also wearing white, the white shirt with ruffles around his neck and white pants, paired with a soft blue jacket that stopped at his elbows. Guess they wouldn’t get to play outside today then._

_“Welcome!” his father said as Chan and his mother approached and Felix struggled to not run up and hug his friend. He wanted to hug Chan so badly, pull him into the castle to show him everything new and exciting._

_“Hello prince Felix,” Chan said politely as he walked over to Felix, immediately taking his small hand to press a feathery light kiss on the top of it. He smiled, displaying his teeth and the dimples in his cheeks made Felix feel all fuzzy on the inside._

_“Prince Chan,” he greeted, unable to hold back the utter glee in his voice. “Welcome,” he continued, trying to get in control of his voice once again._

_“Thank you,” Chan said, still holding onto Felix’s hand and he gave it a little squeeze. “It is good to see you,” he continued and Felix grinned before glancing up at his father, eyes wide and pleading. His father sighed, but he smiled and nodded._

_“You can go,” he said and Felix broke into another wide smile, tightening his grip of Chan’s hand. “Don’t disturb the servants too much, okay?”_

_“We won’t,” Felix promised as he tugged on Chan’s hand. “Come, I have to show you around,” he said eagerly and he watched, his little heart speeding up, as a grin stretched on Chan’s lips._

_“Lead the way,” he said, chuckling as Felix’s pulled him away from the gatehouse to the castle, into the castle itself._

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“We did some remodeling this year,” Felix said as he and Chan walked down the hallway, hand in hand. They passed by a few servants on the way towards Felix’s bedroom and Felix made sure to politely greet everyone. The servants only greeted them with small nods and warm smiles. “But I got to change rooms this year too, as I told you.”_

_“I remember,” Chan said fondly, smiling softly as he followed Felix. Felix was almost bouncing as they reached his bedroom door. He grabbed the handle with his free hand and pushed the door open as he let go of Chan’s hand. He stepped aside to let Chan enter his room before closing the door and shuffling over to the window._

_“So I have a really nice view over the garden,” he began as he leaned against the windowsill, looking out over the view from his window. He could hear Chan approach, his steps quiet and careful as he walked up to the window. “And you can see the town as well. You can see the market from here and it’s usually really pretty when the harvest festival takes place because of all the lights and-”_

_“You’re so cute duckling,” Chan said, cutting Felix off. Felix spun around, wide grin on his face and-_

_“Wait,” he said, suddenly realizing what Chan just called him. He blinked. “What did you call me?” he asked, tilting his head. Chan’s ears turned red and he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck._

_“I-” he said, averting his eyes for a second before looking back. “I called you duckling.”_

_“Why?”_

_“You’re cute, like a little duckling,” Chan began, the pink of his ears slowly spreading to his cheeks as well. “Your hair is really soft, like duckling feathers… and,” he swallowed, “you kind of follow me around like a duckling.”_

_“Oh,” Felix said, face growing warm and he pressed the back of his hand against his cheek. “B-but if I have a nickname, you need one too!” he continued, trying to change the subject before his face went red._

_“Well, I suppose that’s fair,” Chan said and Felix beamed, his cheeks still warm._

_“I’ll think of a good nickname,” he promised and Chan just hummed. A silence filled the air and Felix tugged nervously on his sleeve, unsure of what to say. He looked down on the floor, eyes flickering as he tried to think of something._

_“Oh I almost forgot,” Chan exclaimed and Felix looked up, eyes wide. Chan reached into a pocket on his jacket, taking something out. “Hold out your hand,” he instructed, biting back a smile as Felix tilted his head. He just looked at Chan for a moment before holding out his hand, palm up. Chan took his hand, holding onto it gently as he placed whatever he had taken out of his pocket in Felix’s palm. It was small and cool as it came to rest against his skin._

_As Chan pulled his hands back, Felix could see what he held in his hand. It was a small necklace, a thin golden chain with a little golden amulet at the end of it. It was delicate with a date engraved. Felix looked up at Chan. The older prince was blushing, his cheeks a bright pink and he cleared his throat._

_“It’s the date we met,” he explained and Felix let out a small ‘oh’. “M-mother thought it would be a good gift to you and I-”_

_“I like it,” Felix said, cutting him off and Chan just blinked, the pink on his cheeks getting even darker. “I like it a lot. Thank you.”_

_“I-I’m glad,” Chan said, the nervous and uncertain expression slowly being replaced with a wide grin. Felix just watched as it stretched on his lips, his little heart beating faster as the dimples deepened in his cheeks. He smiled so brightly that he lit up the room._

_“Sunshine,” Felix blurted without even thinking._

_“What?”_

_“My nickname for you,” Felix said, clutching the golden necklace in his hand. He felt a little bit nervous actually. What if Chan didn’t like that nickname? “I-if that’s okay,” he added quietly._

_“I-I like it,” Chan said, stumbling over his words and Felix couldn’t hold back the wide smile. “I like sunshine,” he said, nodding his head. Felix giggled, his free hand coming up to cover his wide smile as happiness just bubbled inside him._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The summer night was warm and excitement buzzed in Felix’s whole body as he waited by the window. Chan had told him to wait for him, that he would come and get him when the castle had gone to sleep.

The window was open and Felix was resting his chin on his arms as he waited. The night was silent, except for the nature. From his window, Felix could see the forest he and Chan used to play in when they were younger. He stared out over the field, and the stars above. The fields here were not like the ones back in his own kingdom, endless, but they still had fields among the forests and mountains.

The moon was almost full, silver light bathing the landscape and the sky was filled with the dusting of stars.

It was breathtakingly beautiful.

“Hey,” came a hushed voice and Felix jumped in surprise, looking to the side to see Chan. He was dressed in light clothing, fitting for the warmer weather with a black pair of high waisted pants, silver buttons adoring the front of them and the simple white shirt, the light from the moon bouncing off the fabric and it was open at the top, exposing some of his skin to the warm summer air. “Are you ready to leave?” he asked, the moonlight reflecting in his eyes and Felix just nodded eagerly, moving to sit on the windowsill. He was thankful that the castle’s first floor was close to the ground. “Oh look at you, duckling,” Chan cooed as he stood in front of Felix, running his fingers over the white fabric of Felix’s pants. “You’re all dressed up. For me?”

Felix flushed at Chan’s comment, averting his eyes and staring down at his pale blue, off shoulder shirt, fiddling with the long sleeves for a second, his fingers brushing over the vertical slits in the sheer fabric. He took a deep breath, placing his hands on the windowsill, preparing to push himself off. Before he could even attempt to do it, Chan placed his hands gently on his hips.

“I’ll catch you,” he said with such an earnest look in his eyes that Felix’s heart squeezed almost painfully. He didn’t reply to Chan, he just nodded before pushing himself off the windowsill. As Chan helped him down, as soon as his feet touched the grass, Felix took Chan’s face in his hands, kissing him.

“God I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day,” he said, his nose just brushing against Chan’s. “We should go somewhere tomorrow, away from all prying eyes.”

“We can do that,” Chan murmured, chuckling before pressing another kiss on Felix’s lips. Felix’s let his hands drop from Chan’s cheeks, pressing his palms against Chan’s chest. “We should go before someone sees us,” he whispered, ignoring Felix’s whine as he broke the kiss.

“Everyone already knows,” Felix sulked, glaring at Chan who just laughed. “They’re just too polite to tell us they know,” he continued as Chan stroked his bare shoulder, chuckling before taking Felix’s hand to pull him away from the castle, towards the forest.

“Maybe so,” Chan said as they walked across the field and he looked back at Felix. “But we still should keep it low profile and not express it when we’re among people,” he continued, apologetic smile on his lips. There was something about the moonlight, something that just… Felix wasn’t sure how to explain it. But it filled him with such joy and in the beautiful silver light, Chan looked absolutely stunning.

“If we marry,” Felix began, noting the slight twitch in Chan’s eyes. “If we marry, can I kiss you among people?”

“I-” Chan cleared his throat and Felix grinned. It wasn’t often Chan was speechless and he actually felt a bit proud of himself. “You know what, yes,” he finally said and Felix’s grin just stretched wider. “If we marry, you may kiss me whenever you like, duckling.”

“Good,” Felix said as they reached the edge of the forest. As soon as they were alone, obscured by trees from anyone who may be watching, Felix began to tug on Chan’s hand. “Can you kiss me now?” he asked, his tone just a bit whiny because he knew Chan would give in.

Chan sighed dramatically, letting go of Felix’s hand to turn around to face him. God he was handsome. Felix’s heart felt like it was about to burst with all the love he held for the man in front of him.

“You’re so demanding,” Chan whispered, placing a hand on the back of Felix’s head, his fingers brushing through Felix’s dark locks. Felix stared into Chan’s eyes, his lips slightly parted and he placed a hand on Chan’s arm, fingers grasping the soft silk. Felix just pouted, trying his best to hold it but failed and just broke into a wide smile, laughing as he leaned in, burying his face in Chan’s shoulder, butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“I just love you,” he mumbled, grinning as he straightened his back to kiss Chan properly. “And it’s very frustrating because I can’t,” he sighed, irritated, “I can’t kiss you or express it in any way. I just have to look at you and not… love you,” he finished and Chan gently brushed his thumb over his cheekbone.

“I love you too duckling,” he whispered, his hand dropping down to Felix’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He pressed a gentle kiss on Felix’s nose. “Shall we take a stroll?” he asked and Felix nodded, his grip of Chan’s hand tightening ever so slightly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The forest was silent, calm and the only sounds were the occasional hoots of an owl and the soft steps of the two of them as they walked a familiar trail, hand in hand. Felix’s heart felt so full as he walked these woods, memories of their childhood coming back to him.

“Do you remember when we fought?” Chan asked, breaking the silence as they stopped in the a wide, familiar clearing. Felix laughed, pressing his free hand against his cheek as it heated up ever so slightly in embarrassment.

“It wasn’t really a fight now, was it, sunshine?” he asked, unable to hold back the wide smile on his lips as he looked around the clearing, then back at Chan. “It was more like me being a very whiny child.”

“You did have some valid points though,” Chan said, squeezing Felix’s hand gently. Felix chuckled, shaking his head. “It broke my heart, duckling. To see you that upset.”

Felix’s cheeks heated up even more. He remembered that summer. He had been 12 and Chan had been 15. Even if they usually didn’t really notice the age difference, that summer it was so very apparent that Chan was older, more mature, while Felix was still a child. That summer, Chan had spent most of his time with nobles from the kingdom who were around his age and Felix remembered feeling so left out and forgotten. It had ended up with him yelling at Chan at the castle before storming off in tears. Chan had found him in this very clearing, curled up against a tree and crying.

“It wasn’t right of me to just ignore you,” Chan said and Felix blinked. “Considering you don’t have friends in the same way I have here, and you’re only here a short period every year. I should have cherished our time together more.”

“You’re cherishing me now, sunshine,” Felix whispered, moving his hand from his own cheek to press it against Chan’s cheek. Chan smiled, placing his hand on top of Felix’s as he leaned into Felix’s touch. “That’s all that matters to me.”

A silence filled the air, a comfortable one as they just stood there. They just looked at each other and Felix’s heart felt so full. He couldn’t believe that he had someone like Chan in his life.

“Would you dance with me?” Chan suddenly asked, breaking the silence. Felix raised an eyebrow, gently brushing the pad of his thumb over Chan’s cheekbone. Chan moved both of his hands to Felix’s hips, a comfortable warmth spreading as he held onto Felix.

“There’s no music,” Felix whispered and Chan chuckled.

“I suppose you’re right,” he said, rubbing circles on Felix’s hipbone with his thumb. “But has that ever stopped us?” he asked and Felix laughed, wrapping his arms around Chan’s neck.

“You have a very good point, sunshine,” he said and Chan smiled, resting his forehead against Felix’s as they began to sway back and forth. They held eye contact as they danced, moving in their own pace for they had all the time in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Felix knew his voice would get lower, it was natural and happened to every boy he knew. He was there when Chan’s voice got deeper and he had enjoyed that summer a lot, teasing him every time his voice cracked. Felix’s voice, on the other hand, got deeper during the winter and he had decided not to tell Chan in the letters they exchanged, just to let it be a surprise for Chan when summer came around._

_However, Felix did not expect his voice to drop as low as it did. Previously, his voice had been a tad bit squeaky and Chan had always commented on how cute his voice was, but now it sounded like he had crawled up from the deepest pit in hell._

_As summer approached, a thought began to nag him in the back of his head. What if Chan would dislike his voice?_

_“I don’t think your voice will give you any sort of problem,” his father said as their carriage approached the castle. “Why do you-”_

_“I don’t want to talk about it,” Felix grumbled, his voice rumbling weirdly in his chest. “Just- Just say I have a cold or something.”_

_His father raised an eyebrow but he didn’t say anything. As the carriage came to a halt, Felix swallowed hard and took a deep breath before exiting it after his father. He held onto his train, not wanting to tear the delicate fabric of the white, see through robe he was wearing. One of the servants, the one who had opened the carriage door for them, quickly helped him to smooth it out along the ground for him and Felix exhaled, breathing just a little shaky as he looked at the embroidered flowers on the sheer fabric before turning around to look ahead._

_He walked with his back straight, his shoulders back and head held high, trying his best to act as if everything was normal._

_“Prince Felix,” Chan greeted him, eagerly taking his hand. Felix gave him a tight lipped smile, swallowing nervously as Chan kissed his hand. As he looked up, his previously happy expression was replaced with a frown. “Is something wrong?” he asked, his voice softer._

_Felix shook his head, biting his lip as he looked over to his father._

_“Felix seem to have caught a cold,” he lied smoothly and Felix breathed a little sigh of relief. “His throat is not in the best of conditions right now, so he tries to not speak if he can avoid it.”_

_“Oh,” Chan said, still holding onto Felix’s hand. “Well, if you wouldn’t mind, I could take him inside and get him something warm to drink.”_

_“If that’s not a bother to you, Prince Chan,” his father said and Felix stared at him. Betrayed by his own father. “I think he just needs some tea and rest,” he continued, meeting Felix’s gaze and he just laughed. “He’s been awfully whiny about it.”_

_“Well then,” Chan said, smiling softly at Felix as he squeezed his hand, starting to pull him along. “Let’s go inside shall we.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_As the days progressed, Felix tried his best not to speak or make any sort of sound. He communicated with Chan by nodding and shaking his head. But he noticed that this would not last for very long. Chan was starting to become suspicious of him, eyeing him closely at every chance he got._

_At last, Chan knocked at his door at an ungodly hour. The moon was up, albeit just a thin crescent in the sky, but surrounded by stars as it lit up the dark sky. Felix had been planning on going to bed, but he had gotten caught up in this whole situation, trying to figure out how to solve it. As a subtle knock sounded, Felix sighed. He knew it was Chan and he knew they needed to talk._

_He opened the door, careful to not let it creak too terribly as he let Chan inside. In the company of Chan, who was only wearing his casual sleeping attire, the white shirt with the loose, black pants, Felix’s felt severely overdressed in his nightgown, layers of sheer fabric reaching all the way to the floor._

_“We need to talk,” Chan said, his voice serious and there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. He looked towards the bed and then back at Felix. “May I?” he asked and Felix just nodded, quietly closing the door to his room as Chan sat down on the bed._

_His heart was pounding and his palms were sweaty. He would have to be honest with Chan. But what if Chan wouldn’t like him anymore?_

_“Come,” Chan said softly, patting the space beside him on the bed. “Sit down with me.”_

_Felix took an unsure step towards the bed, trying to get in control over his breathing again and calm his heart down. His vision was getting slightly blurry as he sat down beside Chan, the bed creaking slightly as it shifted under his weight and he fixed his eyes on the door._

_“Have I done anything?” Chan finally asked and Felix turned to look at him, blinking confused. “Why are you not talking to me, duckling?” he continued and the nickname paired with the pure hurt in Chan’s eyes was what caused Felix to break._

_Tears rolled down his cheeks, weeks of build up stress finally slipping past the wall he tried to build around him. He sniffled, lowering his head and dried the tears off his cheeks._

_“Duckling,” Chan said, voice quiet and soft and he shifted a little, taking Felix’s face in his hands. “Please look at me,” he begged and so Felix did, with tears rolling down his cheeks and clouding his vision, he looked up to meet Chan’s gaze. Chan looked worried, brows furrowed and lips pressed together. “Have I done something wrong?”_

_Felix shook his head, taking a shuddering breath._

_Chan looked at him, eyes scanning his face for any clues of what could be wrong. “Do you hate me?”_

_“No!” Felix protested, his eyes going wide as he realized that he just spoke. Chan blinked, brows furrowing and Felix could feel sadness just wrap around his heart, a lump in his throat forming. “I don’t hate you, I-I could never hate you,” he sobbed, lowering his head. “I’m sorry I-I didn’t want to talk b-because my voice-” he inhaled sharply, trying to get some air back into his lungs._

_Chan was silent and Felix sniffled, drying his tears away with his hand._

_“You…” he began slowly and Felix swallowed, not daring to look up to meet Chan’s eyes. “You didn’t want to talk… because of your voice?”_

_Felix took a deep breath before he looked up, nodding his head as he did. Chan didn’t look mad or disappointed. He just looked confused, his head tilted._

_“What’s wrong with your voice?”_

_“I-It’s got lower,” Felix stuttered and Chan hummed, placing a hand on Felix’s cheek, his thumb brushing over Felix’s cheekbone._

_“I can hear that,” Chan noted and another sob slipped past Felix’s lips. “What’s so terrible about it?”_

_Felix shook his head, averting his eyes again._

_“Duckling,” Chan cooed, brushing some of Felix’s hair behind his ear. Felix looked back up at him, taking a shuddering breath._

_“Y-you said my voice was cute.”_

_“I did,” Chan said, brushing his fingers through Felix’s dark hair. “It’s still very cute. It’s just lower.”_

_Felix blinked through the tears. “Really?” he asked in a whisper and Chan just nodded, smile stretching his lips._

_“Did you think I wouldn’t like it?” he asked and Felix nodded, swallowing hard as his cheeks heated up in embarrassment. “Silly, silly boy,” Chan cooed, brushing the back of his hand over Felix’s tear stained cheek before he gently wiped the tears with his sleeve. “I’ll always like you, no matter what.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chan had been missing most of the day and it was bugging Felix. He wanted his daily dose of kisses and cuddles and Chan, but Chan had disappeared right after breakfast before Felix could pull him into a room for some privacy and kisses.

That meant Felix had to find something to entertain himself with. He had taken a tour to the fields to practice his archery skills but without Chan he quickly lost interest and went back to the castle. He had tried to entertain himself in the garden, chatting with the gardener and helped him out to a certain degree, staining the knees of his dark mint green pants in the process.

As he walked down the hallways, hands tugging mindlessly at the bow around his waist as he looked for Chan. He had been in the library at lunch, but when he was there, looking in every corner, he could not find Chan. But maybe he should try again.

He turned to his left in the hallway, approaching the library with quick steps. As he did, he passed a few servants, all of them smiling and bowing at him. He simply smiled, nodding his head as he greeted them. When he reached the door leading into the library, he took a second to look around before pushing the wooden door open.

The large room was silent, eerily so as he walked across the floor. He frowned, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. Maybe Chan wasn’t here after all. He continued to walk further into the library, his heartbeat suddenly speeding up a little as his ears picked up the gentle sound of a pen moving against a paper. He turned a shelf, only to finally lay his eyes on Chan. He was writing, as if in his own world and it seemed like he didn’t notice Felix as Felix approached the desk.

“You know,” Felix said quietly, not wanting to startle Chan too much. Chan snapped his head up to look at him, eyes wide before he melted into a wide smile. Felix shook his head as he approached, walking around the desk to unceremoniously sit down on top of the desk, right beside Chan’s work. “I’ve been lonely today.”

Chan laughed, shaking his head as Felix leaned back, crossing his legs.

“I’m sorry, duckling,” he said, placing his pencil to the side. The chair quietly scraped across the floor as he stood up, moving to stand in front of Felix.

“And you are wearing your nice clothes today,” Felix mused, stroking his hand over the floral suit jacket as Chan stood in front of him. “We could have gone on a picnic, or back into the woods, anything really, but you just disappeared.”

“You really missed me, didn’t you?” Chan asked, brushing some of Felix’s hair away from his forehead.

“I am deprived of your love most of the year, of course I missed you. Terribly so,” Felix said, raising an eyebrow and placed his hands on Chan’s shoulders, pulling him just a little. Chan smiled, his hand coming to rest on Felix’s jaw as he leaned in to kiss him.

“I’ve missed you,” Chan whispered, a wide smile on his lips as they parted. Felix let his hands move up Chan’s neck, fingers just barely ghosting over his skin before he tangled one hand in Chan’s hair, brushing some of it behind his ears. “So much. I don’t think you can even imagine how lonely my winters are without you.”

“I think I have an idea,” Felix hummed, absentmindedly playing with Chan’s curly hair. “My winters are fairly lonely without you, sunshine,” he continued and Chan smiled at him, brushing his fingers over Felix’s jaw.

“I will try my best to come to visit you this winter,” Chan promised, tilting his head so could press a kiss on Felix’s jaw. Felix giggled as he did, Chan’s brown curls tickling his cheek.

“You know what would be even better?” Felix asked and Chan hummed, lips still pressing against Felix’s skin and his hand came to rest on Felix’s thigh. “If you married me this winter.”

Chan laughed, leaning his weight on Felix and he wrapped both arms around Felix’s waist. He looked at Felix, meeting his gaze. Felix smiled widely, displaying his teeth and his eyes crinkled up into crescent moons.

“Oh duckling,” he whispered, holding Felix in his eyes. “You have no idea how much I long for that.”

Felix laughed, happiness bubbling in his chest as he took Chan’s face in his hands, kissing him deeply. He cherished these moments, the moments where he got Chan all on his own, where he could openly and freely just pour out his heart and soul.

“What were you working on?” he asked, his lips just barely ghosting over Chan’s. Chan glanced down to the side, at his work before looking back at Felix.

“It’s mostly just poetry,” he said, kissing Felix again. “You know how it is…” he murmured against Felix’s lips. “When I get inspired, I have to write. I can’t do anything but pour my emotions onto paper.”

“What inspired you, sunshine?” Felix asked, sliding his hands back to Chan’s hair, looking him deep in the eyes.

“What do you think, duckling?” he asked, sheepish smile on his lips. “With you here, I’m just so overwhelmed by emotions. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“I love you,” Felix hummed, bringing Chan in for another kiss. “And I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, love,” Chan murmured, smiling against Felix’s lips “And I’m so painfully in love with you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Felix, being three years younger than Chan, had always been the shorter of the two and while he had begun to catch up to Chan, it wasn’t until he was 18 that he had his real growth spurt. Most of the winter, his bones were just aching as he grew. As he looked himself in the mirror, he finally felt like he was starting to… settle in. Like his body was done changing and that he was becoming used to it._

_Over the winter, as they exchanged letters, Felix realized somewhere that what he and Chan had was no longer just a friendship. He had heard his father talk to Chan’s mother about possibly marry the two of them for political purposes, merging the kingdoms, and Felix was okay with that. But he also realized that they were most likely more than friends, it was just that they hadn’t talked about it._

_So for this year, Felix had had his clothes tailored and as they were sitting, once again, in the carriage on their way towards Chan’s kingdom, he couldn’t help but play with the soft silk._

_“Don’t you think you went a little overboard?” his father asked as the castle grew closer. Felix raised an eyebrow and his father just laughed. “I’m sure he’ll realize it sooner or later,” he continued and Felix continued to stare._

_“Really?” he asked and his father just shrugged. “I have my doubts and I’m… I’m not taking any chances.”_

_His father laughed, leaning back in his seat as the carriage came to a stop._

_“You really do have a flare for the dramatic,” he said before standing up, getting out of the carriage. Felix took a deep breath, smoothing out the silk. He double checked his sleeves, making sure the band was fastened around his elbows and that the slits were_ just right _, exposing his shoulders and arms. As he stood up, he tugged at his high waisted pants, adjusting them just a little before he gathered the train to the outfit. He stepped outside, taking his father’s hand as he stepped down from the carriage._

_Gone was the shy boy he’d once been, not daring to look the older prince in the eye. He was proud of who he was, able to speak in front of people and able to get most things the way he wanted. This summer, he was set on making the older prince realize his feelings for him._

_His newfound height had helped a lot with his posture, making him feel tall and proud and as he stopped in front of Chan, soft smile on his lips, he almost held out his hand for Chan to take. But always the gentleman, Chan immediately reached for Felix’s hand._

_“You certainly enjoy darker colors, my prince,” Felix commented as Chan pressed his lips against the back of Felix’s hand. He looked Chan over, grinning as he noted just how unruly the older prince’s hair seemed to be today. He was wearing black pants with knee high boots, a black dress shirt, the collar fitted snugly around his neck and a dark red vest over it all. It looked soft and Felix almost wanted to reach out to brush his fingers over the fabric._

_“I seem to do,” Chan said, chuckling as he looked Felix over. Felix bit back a smile as he realized that he was the same height as Chan, finally. Chan’s eyes flickered over to their parents and he cleared his throat. “If you excuse me, mother,” he said, looking at his mother before looking at Felix’s father. “My king,” he continued, bowing his head to Felix’s father. “I’d like to show prince Felix our garden, I’m sure he’d enjoy it,” he said, eyes shifting between their parents and then back at at Felix._

_“Go ahead,” his mother said softly and as Felix’s eyes met his father’s, his father just shook his head. Felix grinned as he let Chan pull him away, towards the garden. Chan didn’t say anything, but Felix had known him long enough to be able to read him like an open book._

_Chan was flustered and nervous, terribly so and Felix couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of himself._

_“Are you okay, sunshine?” Felix asked as they reached the edge of the garden. Most of the flowers were already blooming, beautiful and vibrant color against the lush green bushes. Chan turned around, still holding onto Felix’s hand._

_“You’re taller,” Chan said, changing the subject and Felix bit back a grin as he spotted the dusting of pink on Chan’s cheeks. “You’re the same height as me.”_

_“The growth spurt was awful,” Felix said dismissively and Chan chuckled, thumb brushing over Felix’s hand. “I imagine it was for you too.”_

_“I don’t think I had a growth spurt as extreme as yours duckling,” he said, his voice soft and gentle. Felix’s heart squeezed, excitement buzzing under his skin. “And you are looking rather handsome today, I must say.”_

_Felix grinned, unable to hold it back and he began to walk again, tugging Chan along with him as they walked down the paths leading through the garden._

_They didn’t say anything, they kept on walking through the garden in silence, hand in hand._

_“Felix,” Chan finally said, tugging at Felix’s hand to get him to stop. It wasn’t often that he used Felix’s name without his title, but the fact that he did caused butterflies to flutter in his stomach. This was the moment when it dawned on him. He knew he was smitten by Chan, but now, in this very moment, he realized. He was so painfully in love with Chan._

_“Yes?” he said softly, forcing his voice to be steady._

_“I-I-“ Chan began, stuttering and then he sighed, letting go of Felix’s hand to run it through his hair. “There’s… I believe there’s something we need to address.”_

_“Oh,” Felix said, swallowing hard and his heart was pounding in his chest. “I believe we need to discuss this yes.”_

_“I-“ he sighed again, irritated as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am going to be blunt with you and I… I apologize, duckling. I wish this will not change anything between us for the worse.”_

_Felix’s heart was rushing, his hands sweaty and his breathing irregular._

_“What is it?” he asked, voice barely a whisper._

_“Felix, duckling,” he began, lowering his voice as he took a step closer to Felix. He glanced around, making sure no one was around to hear them. “I am utterly and completely in love with you.”_

_As the words left his lips, Felix could feel the weight on his shoulder fall away and his heart felt so much lighter._

_He stood there. Stunned. He had known of the adoration Chan held for him, it had been apparent over the last couple of summers. But hearing him say it just sparked happiness in his heart, warmth blooming and spreading through his body._

_“Duckling?” Chan asked, voice small with a hint of fear in his voice and as Felix met his eyes, he could see the insecurity so clearly in Chan’s eyes. “Please say something.”_

_“I love you,” he whispered, his chest tightening and throat closing. Chan stared at him, his lips slightly parted and eyes wide. He didn’t say anything, he just stared at Felix, carefully placing a trembling hand on Felix’s jaw. “I am so painfully in love with you, sunshine.”_

_Chan stared at him, not a word slipping past his lips and Felix swallowed. He wasn’t sure what to do or say. Chan took another step towards Felix, so that he stood in front of him. His eyes flickered around nervously and Felix did the same, looking around to make sure no one saw them. Chan reached out to take Felix’s hand, his hand trembling as he did and Felix could see his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed nervously. He leaned closer and Felix swallowed hard, excitement and nervousness swirling in his stomach, becoming this mess of emotions inside him._

_“C-can I?” Chan whispered, eyes shifting between Felix’s eyes and Felix’s lips. Felix exhaled, a shuddering breath slipping past his slightly parted lips as he stared at Chan. “Can I kiss you?”_

_“Please,” Felix said, almost choking on the word and he gave Chan’s hand a small squeeze as his other came to rest on Chan’s jaw. “Please kiss me.”_

_Chan took a deep breath before he leaned in, pressing his lips against Felix’s. Felix’s body went rigid for a moment, his heart stuttering and his mind went blank for a second before he snapped back into his body again. He melted against Chan, his grip of Chan’s hand tightening and he slid his hand from Chan’s jaw to the back of his head to pull him even closer. Chan’s breath hitched against Felix’s lips as the pace of the kiss picked up ever so slightly and his free hand grabbed a hold of Felix’s waist, tugging him closer._

_They shared their first kiss, among the blooming flowers of the early summer, chests pressed together and as they parted, Felix felt nothing but happiness. He had rested his forehead against Chan’s, staring into Chan’s warm brown eyes. His heart had been beating loudly in his chest and his breathing was uneven, harsh._

_To Felix, this was one of his dearest memories, one he would treasure until the day he died._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Why do you insist on coming in through the window?” Felix asked as Chan heaved himself up on the windowsill. Chan grinned sheepishly, brushing a hand through his curls. He got down from the windowsill, closing the window behind him. “Why not just walk the hallways? It’s not like anyone’s awake at this hour.”

“It would look rather suspicious,” Chan began, brushing his fingers over Felix’s arm, over the sheer, pink fabric of his nightgown, “if I, the prince, was found wandering the halls towards the prince of Atuwen’s chambers,” he finished, his hands coming to rest on Felix’s waist.

“And you don’t think…” Felix began, raising an eyebrow and looked Chan over. “If you, the prince, was found outside in the bushes outside the prince of Atuwen’s window, would look a bit more suspicious?” he asked and Chan laughed, laughter ringing so clear and bright that Felix could not hold back the smile on his face.

“I suppose you’re right, sweetheart,” he said, leaning in to press a featherlight kiss on Felix’s cheek. “But I am here now, am I not?” he asked, leaning back to look at Felix’s again, his lips slightly parted as he did.

“You are,” Felix agreed, a hand coming up to the back of Chan’s neck.

“You’re so beautiful, duckling,” Chan breathed, his eyes wide as he looked Felix over and Felix could see his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. Felix laughed, sliding his hand over Chan’s shoulder, down his arm until he reached his hand, lacing their fingers together.

“You’re very handsome too,” he cooed as he tugged Chan towards his large bed. “Now, I want you to cuddle me,” he continued, letting go of Chan’s hand to get up on the bed. He wiggled a little, making himself comfortable against the soft pillows and silky bed sheets as he looked expectantly at Chan. Chan snorted, shaking his head but still sat down on the edge of the bed, eyes still fixed at Felix. Felix grinned widely, eyes crinkling into crescent moons as he did and a giggle slipped past his lips.

Chan smiled softly, reaching out a hand to stroke his fingers over Felix’s bare arm, his touch leaving a warmth in its wake. Felix blinked up at Chan, his heart feeling so full of love and he just couldn’t help but smile even wider, teeth on full display.

“Come here sunshine,” he whispered, his whole body warm and fuzzy as he patted the space beside him. Chan shook his head again, but laid down beside Felix without a word, only a warm smile on his lips.

Felix shifted a little and Chan rolled over to rest his head on Felix’s chest, his hand resting on Felix’s abdomen. Among the soft pillows and blankets and the warmth radiating from Chan, Felix closed his eyes as he drifted into a peaceful slumber.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Most of the summers, Felix arrived in the early afternoon and was greeted by Chan and his mother. But this summer, now a year after they had somewhat established what kind of relationship they had, he arrived in the later hours of the day. The reason for that being none other than the fact that the queen was hosting a ball._

_A ball._

_Felix had no idea for what purpose Chan’s mother hosted a ball, nor did he fancy balls an awful lot but if it meant that he’d have an excuse to dance with Chan in front of people, he wasn’t going to miss it for anything in the world._

_His father, on the other hand, despised balls and these kind of large social events and Felix could just see it on his face how much he wished he’d stayed at home._

_“I’m sure you’ll have a good time,” Felix assured his father as the carriage came to a halt. His father only snorted, rolling his eyes before he stood up to get out and Felix followed. He brushed some dirt off his white pants before gathering the turquoise tulle in his arms. A servant held out their hand for him as he exited the carriage, helping Felix down and he just smiled politely at them, bowing his head a little._

_His father held out his arm just as Felix let the skirt fall to the ground and Felix hooked his arm with his father’s. He felt a bit nervous wearing this to an event like this, as the sheer fabric up top exposed his arms and a bit more skin than he was used to. However, since it wasn’t a full skirt, with less fabric and slits on the sides of it, nor completely see through up top, it did make him feel a bit better about it._

_They walked along the pathway leading up to the grand main entrance of the castle, the one that led directly to the ballroom. It was a new experience and he could feel both nervousness and excitement swirl in his stomach._

_There was a large, white marble stairway leading up to the massive oak door leading into the castle and Felix’s heart stuttered when he saw Chan at the top of the stairs. He took a deep breath, reaching down to grab a gentle hold of the excess fabric with his free hand, and they began to make their way up the stairs._

_Felix was thankful that he was holding onto his father’s arm. Had he not, he would most likely had fallen or tripped at some point because as he walked the stairs, he held eye contact with Chan, his heart racing in his chest. The older prince was just standing there, waiting for him with his back straight, head held high and proud with his hands behind his back. It took a great amount of self-control from Felix’s side to not rush up the stairs and kiss him. He knew that wouldn’t look very good, since they were not even engaged._

_“My prince,” Chan greeted, bowing his head slightly as Felix and his father reached the top of the stairs. He was wearing all white, a rarity for Chan, a proper three layered suit with the white shirt, collar tight around Chan’s neck, a cream colored vest reaching just to his high waisted pants and over it he wore a suit jacket, white with gold embroideries. His hair wasn’t just brushed, it was styled, upwards in elegant curls and showing some of his forehead. Felix, for the first time in a long while, found himself stunned and it wasn’t until his father cleared his throat that he snapped out of his daze._

_“Prince Chan,” he greeted, flustered and he could see the smug smirk on Chan’s face. His father let go of his arm so Chan could take his hand, kissing the top of it._

_“It is so good to see you again,” Chan said politely, still grinning and Felix wished they were somewhere else so he could just kiss Chan already._

_“You too,” Felix said, voice a bit strained and he cursed himself. Chan offered him another smug, lopsided grin before he held out his arm towards Felix._

_“Shall we?” he asked and as Felix glanced around quickly, he realized that his father had left the two of them. Bold of him, to assume Felix would not kiss Chan right here and right now. As they walked through the doors, entering the ballroom, Chan leaned a little closer to Felix. “You look stunning, duckling,” he said and Felix could feel his cheek heat up even more at the compliment._

_“You look rather handsome yourself, sunshine,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. Chan chuckled, sound drowning out in the sound of the music playing in the ballroom._

_“Would you do me the honor, my prince?” he asked, eyes flickering towards the dancefloor._

_“I-”_

_“At least let me have the honor of being your first dance tonight,” he whispered in Felix’s ear and Felix swallowed hard, suddenly at loss of words and he just nodded. Chan smiled, gently pulling Felix up on the dance floor. The nobles didn’t really mind them, they just bowed their heads and moved a little, giving them space._

_Waltz wasn’t really Felix’s thing and he was a bit nervous to dance among nobles, where he actually had to do well not to embarrass himself and bring shame on his kingdom. But with Chan taking his hand so gently and leading him, he did feel a  lot better._

_“I like the flowers,” Chan said and Felix glanced down on the embroidered flowers on his turquoise shirt. “Actually I like your whole outfit. You look stunning.”_

_Felix’s cheeks heated up and he took a moment to collect himself before he replied._

_“You don’t look half as bad yourself, my prince,” he said and Chan bit back a smile._

_They didn’t say anything after that, they just continued their dance and as the song came to an end, Chan looked between Felix and the back door._

_“Do you want to… do you want to take a walk with me?” he asked and Felix quickly scanned the people in the room. He couldn’t see his father, which meant his father could probably not see him sneaking off with Chan._

_“Yes,” he breathed and Chan smiled as he took Felix’s hand, calmly leading him off the dance floor. As soon as they were somewhat hidden from view of the queen, he quickened his step to bring Felix outside._

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The garden was truly stunning in the evening, the path lit up by various candle lit lanterns. Felix had been here with Chan before, but never had he been here while sneaking off. Excitement buzzed through his body as Chan pulled him down the path, towards the further end of the garden, where they could get some privacy._

_“I missed you so much,” Chan cooed as he stopped, pulling Felix’s into his arms. Felix laughed, wrapping his arms around Chan’s waist as the older prince pressed a kiss on his nose. “We really need to do something about these winters. I don’t think I can take being apart from you for so long.”_

_“I hate winters,” Felix grumbled and now it was Chan’s turn to laugh. “I can’t stand them.”_

_“Oh duckling,” Chan said softly, brushing Felix’s dark hair away from his forehead._

_“And I really want you to kiss me,” Felix continued, pouting to make sure he got to point across. Chan laughed, sound so clear and bright it sparked something in Felix’s chest, before he leaned in to kiss Felix. Felix tightened his grip around Chan’s waist, tugging him just a little bit closer as he deepened the kiss. He never wanted to let go._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The forest was peaceful as Felix walked along another familiar path. The forest floor was soft under his bare feet and he kept his eyes on the ground, making sure to not step on any rocks or twigs. The white lace of his barefoot sandals were a stark contrast to the dark ground and he held onto the fabric of his sheer, white robe, not wanting it to get stained or dirty. He turned to the right, towards the lake Chan had told him about, excitement swirling in his stomach. He wasn’t fond of late night swims, but Chan was and who was Felix to deny him company?

He looked up at the clear night sky. It wasn’t completely dark yet, the horizon still being a pale blue but the dark blue continued to push it down as time passed. Stars gleamed against the dark background and the moon was full tonight, a perfectly round white sphere on the sky. He walked past a smaller clearing in the forest and the silver light bathed him. He had to stop to just look at the beautiful display in front of his eyes. There was something magical about the moon.

He blinked, snapping out of whatever daze he got caught in and continued. He knew these woods to a certain extent but according to Chan, there would be a path that Felix didn’t know about. After dinner earlier this evening, he had pulled Felix along to a small storage room and behind the closed door, between kisses, he’d told him about this lake he’d found. He told Felix to come when the sun had set and he had given him the instructions on where to go. When he no longer knew the way, Chan would mark the path with silver ribbons around young, thin trees.

True to his words, Chan had indeed marked the way for Felix with silver ribbons that almost seemed to glimmer in the moonlight. He walked along the path, his fingers ghosting over every silver ribbon as he passed by.

He could hear the gentle movement of water closing in and a warm, orange light was illuminating whatever was in front of him, breaking the moons silver light. He walked around the large rock and then he just froze, eyes wide at the scenery in front of him.

The lake wasn’t particularly large, not perfectly round but close. The trees around it were placed out sparsely, opening the space around the lake so that the sky could easily be seen.  The water moved gently in the warm summer breeze, the silver of the moon glimmering on the surface. Fireflies buzzed around, looking like small fairies on a distance. Felix scanned the area before looking over to the tiny little shore by the lake, where the warm orange light originated.

Chan was sitting on a blanket laid out on the sand, two marshalls burning and providing them some extra light, turned towards Felix and he just stared. Felix’s heart picked up speed in his chest as he approached, careful as he walked over the soft sand. His movement seemed to snap Chan out of his daze and he stood up, gently taking Felix into his arms as soon as Felix reached him.

“It’s stunning,” Felix whispered, not wanting to disturb the peace of the forest, and he gently cradled Chan’s face in his hands. Chan placed his hands on Felix’s waist, soft smile on his lips as they rested their foreheads together, eyes looking deep into Felix’s.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said in a hushed voice. “My little, little angel,” he continued, exhaling before leaning in to kiss Felix. Felix eyes fell shut, lips moving slow against Chan’s, his hands moving back a little so he could tangle his fingers in Chan’s hair.

“I love you so much,” Felix murmured against Chan’s lips, his eyes still half closed before kissing him again.

“I love you too,” Chan whispered as they parted, pressing a quick kiss on Felix’s nose. “I’m so glad you could come out here,” he continued, glancing over his shoulder before looking back at Felix, his gaze so full of love. Felix let his eyes wander over the scenery before fixing his gaze on Chan.

“Thank you for showing me this,” he said, thumb brushing over Chan’s cheek and Chan just smiled, eyes crinkling and dimples deep in his cheeks. “I love it.”

“I’m glad,” Chan said, letting go of Felix. Felix pouted as he did and Chan just laughed, reaching up to brush his fingers over Felix’s cheek. “Stop pouting,” he cooed. “I said I was going for a swim and I was intending on just that. Would you like to join me?”

“I’d rather not,” Felix hummed, glancing out over the water. “But go ahead, love.”

Chan grinned, turning around to go back to the blanket. He too was barefoot as he walked over the soft sand, wearing a pair of loose pants, pulled in and tight around his calves and a simple white shirt, which Felix would assume would be off in any second now. He watched, eyebrow raised as Chan tugged the shirt over his head, back turned to Felix, back muscles flexing as he did.

“Are you trying to impress me?” he asked and Chan glanced over his shoulder just as he tossed the shirt to the side. He turned around, eyes fixed on Felix.

“I don’t know,” he said, looking down at the ground before looking back up at Felix, smug grin on his lips and a mischievous look in his eyes. “Is it working?”

Felix snorted, shaking his head and rolled his eyes.

“You’re ridiculous, sunshine,” he said as he walked up to Chan, giving him a quick, soft kiss and a pat on his cheek. “Don’t drown, okay? I want to be able to call you my husband at some point.”

“I’ll try,” Chan said, laughing as he brushed his hand over Felix’s arm, over the soft, sheer fabric of his robe before he left Felix side to approach the lake. Felix shook his head again, fond smile on his lips as he sat down on the blanket, leaning back on his hands as he watched Chan dip his toe in the water.

“Is it warm?” Felix asked when Chan began to walk into the water. He stopped and turned around, the water reaching to his calves. The moonlight shone down on them, bright enough for Felix to make out the wide grin on Chan’s face.

“It is!” Chan beamed, turning his back to Felix to go even further into the lake. Felix just watched as he sank lower and lower and when the water reached to his shoulders, Felix stood up again. He removed the thin and sheer robe, his skin prickling in the summer night air. He glanced down on the short nightgown, smoothing out the lace and adjusting the off shoulders, making sure it would stay up.

He looked back at Chan as he moved closer to the edge of the lake. He stopped just before his toes touched the water, his eyes fixed on Chan as the older prince dove below the surface. From where he had submerged himself, water rings were rolling across the dark blue and silver surface of the water.

With a loud inhale, Chan appeared over the surface again, brushing his wet hair back. Felix couldn’t help the smile on his lips as he watched Chan.

“You should at least feel the water, little duckling of mine,” he said as he approached the shore, the water reaching to his shoulders but he was slowly moving closer, the moon reflecting of the water on his bare torso. “I promise I won’t let any sharks eat you.”

“You’re absolutely ridiculous, my prince,” Felix said, rolling his eyes again. He looked down, the gentle, white swirls adoring his feet in such a contrast to the dark waters. As he looked back up, Chan was even closer, the water reaching his waist and Felix’s heart squeezed. His heart held so much love for Chan he wasn’t sure what to do with all of it.

He took a careful step into the lake. The water was cool against his skin, but not too cold for it to be uncomfortable. Chan was getting closer and Felix took a deep breath, suddenly not caring about anything but the man in front of him. He walked further out, the water reaching higher and higher as he moved closer to Chan. He had his eyes fixed on Chan, his stomach swirling with excitement and his heartbeat racing in his chest. Chan was focused on him, eyes so soft is almost hurt.

When they met, water reaching up to their thighs, Felix took Chan’s face in his hands just as Chan cradled his face in his gentle hands. Felix didn’t care if his nightgown got wet anymore. He pressed his chest against Chan’s, kissing Chan deeply as his eyes fell shut. Chan hummed against his lips, one hand leaving Felix’s cheek and he placed it on Felix’s waist, pulling him just a little closer.

“Oh my god,” Felix breathed, his lips still brushing over Chan’s. “You’re so beautiful. I love you so so much.”

“Oh duckling,” Chan whispered, pressing a soft kiss on Felix’s lips. “I love you so much. And I will love you, until the day I die.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like every summer, this one too came to an end and as the leaves were turning yellow, orange and red, Felix’s father returned to bring him home. There was a lump in Felix’s throat as he stood outside the gatehouse to the castle, to his home, with his packed bags in front of him. He wasn’t sure if he could handle another year without seeing Chan.

Much to Felix’s dismay, neither his father nor Chan’s mother brought up the subject of marriage during the evenings dinner. Now, without the announcement of marriage, he wouldn’t be able to give Chan a goodbye kiss. Even if most of the servants knew of their relationship, they still had to keep it down and their interactions in public had to be formal.

“It has been wonderful to have you here, Felix,” Chan’s mother said, gently pinching Felix’s cheek. “It is sad to see you go so soon.”

“Thank you for having me,” Felix said politely, eyes flickering over to Chan. He was wearing a simple red suit jacket, the fabric catching the light and nothing underneath, exposing way too much of his chest. He looked so handsome beyond words and Felix’s heart ached.

Chan took a deep breath, walking up to Felix. He looked nervous and Felix tilted his head as Chan reached out to take his hand. He expected Chan to press a kiss on the back of his hand, like he always did, but much to Felix’s surprise, Chan instead went down on one knee.

He held Felix in his eyes and his hand in a gentle grip. Felix’s breath hitched as he realized what Chan was doing.

“Felix,” he began, interrupted by his mother clearing her throat and he just sent her a glance before turning back to Felix. His eyes were soft, so full of adoration that Felix struggled to keep his composure. “My prince,” he said and Felix swallowed hard. “It would be my honor if you were to accept my hand in marriage. Would you, Felix of Atuwen, marry me?”

There was a lump in Felix’s throat and he tried to speak but no words came. He nodded, eyes glossy with tears and he swallowed. “Yes,” he whispered, his lips shivering as he tried to not break down in tears. A wide smile bloomed on Chan’s face as he stood up, taking Felix’s face in his hands. He pressed his forehead against Felix’s, and shielded by Chan’s hands, Felix allowed tears to fall. Tiny crystals of happiness rolled down his cheeks and he sniffled.

“My little duckling,” Chan whispered, only for Felix to hear. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Felix whispered, voice crackling. “I want nothing more. Nothing more.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix’s father was willing to delay the departure, giving them a little time for themselves. As soon as they got inside Chan’s room, the door closed behind them, Felix grabbed a hold of Chan’s shirt and pushed him up against the wall to kiss him again.

“Duckling,” Chan cooed against Felix’s lips as Felix pressed up against Chan, his lips against the corner of Chan’s lips.

“I love you so much,” Felix whispered, hands grasping the fabric of Chan’s jacket. Chan laughed, tilting his head a little to kiss Felix again, moving his hands to cradle Felix’s face gently. When they parted, Felix leaned back and just studied Chan’s face. He brushed his fingers over Chan’s brows, tracing the bridge of his nose before reaching his lips. His fingers lingered over Chan’s lips, his index and middle finger resting on Chan’s bottom lip for a second. He let a shuddering breath slip past his slightly parted lips, moving his hand to brush his fingertips over the slight dips in Chan’s cheek.

“I love you too,” Chan murmured softly, wrapping a hand around Felix’s wrist to guide his hands to where his heart was. He pressed Felix’s palm against his chest and under the soft, red velvet of his jacket, Felix could feel his heartbeat. It was steady and strong. Felix inhaled, his thumb stroking the fabric as he held eye contact with Chan. “This heart,” he began, his fingers brushing over the skin of Felix’s arm. “This heart beats for you, and only you.”

“I can’t wait,” Felix said, his hand still pressed against Chan’s chest as he leaned in to kiss him again. “Can we have a winter wedding?” he continued as they parted. “I want to spend the winter with you.”

“I’m sure we can arrange that,” Chan said, cradling Felix’s face in his hands so he could look him right in the eye. “I’ll do anything for you.”

“I don’t want to leave,” Felix whispered, staring into Chan’s eyes. “I know I have to because we need to settle things, but I… I don’t want to leave you.”

“It won’t be long until we see each other again, duckling,” Chan said, stroking Felix’s cheekbone. “I’ll arrange so I can visit you next week or the week after that. We will be seeing each other a lot more often now when we’re engaged.”

The word just tugged on Felix’s heartstrings and he couldn’t help the half laugh half sob that escaped his lips. Chan only smiled, leaning into press a quick and soft kiss on Felix’s lips.

“I can’t believe it either,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against Felix’s.

They didn’t say anything more about this, they didn’t need to. They only took the time given to them, whispering words and promises of love and exchanging kisses, savoring each and every one of them. When it was time to leave, Felix held onto Chan’s hand for as long as he could and when he had to let go, he just let his eyes linger on him, wishing to hold him in his eyes forever.

“I’ll see you soon, duckling,” Chan promised, voice just a hushed whisper and Felix smiled, his heart aching.

“I’ll see you soon, sunshine,” he replied before taking a deep breath, stepping into the carriage that would take him away from Chan. “I’ll see you soon,” he whispered as he sat down, to assure himself that he would indeed see Chan in a near future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix awoke with the moon looking down on him with its bright, silver light and a dull ache coursing through his body. He sat up, groaning as he held his head. He looked around, his heart slowly speeding up in his chest as he didn’t recognize his surroundings.

He was laying on smooth stone by the side of a fairly large pond. Upon closer inspection, it seemed to be the overgrown remains of a patio. His surroundings seemed to be the ruins of a mansion, maybe even a castle, with nature trying to reclaim most of it.

He stood up, trying to remember what had happened as he approached the pond. The water looked clear, nothing he’d expect from a pond in the middle of the ruins of a building. He peered into the pond, catching his reflection in the crystal clear water, and he backed away in horror.

By now his heart was racing, his hands sweaty and fear settling in his gut. Something was terribly wrong.

“Hello?” he called out, his voice cracking as he did. He exhaled, breathing shaky and he took a careful step towards the pond again. He swallowed hard, trying to blink back the tears as he peered down into the pond again.

He looked like himself, but his hair had turned a pale blond. He raise a hand, his breathing shaking as he ran his fingers through his hair. What was going on? Where was he? What had happened?

As if something hit him, the memories came rushing back and his breath hitched. Their carriage had been ambushed by… something. He remembered the screams and the blood. Their guards had been killed, his father had been-

He looked around again, a lump in his throat and his heart pounding in his chest, suddenly fearing for his life. What if the beast came back to kill him? It had killed his father, surely it wouldn’t hesitate to kill him.

“Felix,” a low, rumbling voice said and he snapped his head around to look toward the source. A man, maybe in his late fifties walked down the broken stairs leading down to the patio. “It’s nice to see that you’ve finally woken up.”

“Who are you?” Felix demanded, voice trembling and he took a step back from the man.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that,” he said, a chuckle coming from him and Felix’s blood ran cold. He had a really bad feeling about this whole ordeal. “I just need your kingdom.”

“What?”

“I want you, the sole heir to the throne, to give up the throne to me,” he repeated and Felix grimaced.

“I’m not going to give you anything,” he said firmly and the man grinned, chuckling again.

“I’ll ask you again tomorrow night then,” he said, turning on his heel to go back to wherever he came from. Felix frowned, confused by this whole situation. “Oh, before I leave,” the man said, stopping at the top of the stairs to look back at Felix. “I have a few instructions for you. You can leave this place as you wish, but you are going to change when there’s no longer a moon on the sky. To become human again, you must be in this pond to let the moonlight touch your wings.”

“What are you talking about?” Felix asked but the man simply turned around, laughing as he left Felix alone with his thoughts.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself. As he did, he looked down on his clothes and realized that he wasn’t wearing his normal clothes. His other set of clothes, the white shirt with the billowing train of fabric attached to it and the high waisted black pants, were gone and replaced. The new shirt was white, soft with a large bow fitted snugly around his throat and instead of black pants, he was dressed in a pair of pale blue pants, reaching up to his waist and adored with silver buttons.

This only added to the confusion. He was thankful to be in a set of new clothes, as the other had been stained with his father’s blood.

Oh god.

Tears welled up in his eyes as everything came crashing down on him. His father was dead, killed in front of him. As tears rolled down his cheeks, sobs slipping past his lips, he reached up to grab the necklace but found nothing but the bow around his neck. Panic washed over him and his whole body trembled.

He was alone. No one would think he was alive, the attack had been so bloody everyone would just assume he died. Chan would… Chan would think he died.

Felix’s knees buckled and he sank down to the ground, hiding his face in his hands as he cried.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he finally calmed down, his breathing evening out and his heart slowing down, he harshly dried the tears away, sniffling as he did. He looked around the area again, the sky slowly getting brighter as morning approached. He swallowed, getting back up on his feet.

His heart was beating hard against his ribcage as he walked around what could only be described as ruins.  In the far distance, he could see a tower looming over the area but apart from that, he could not see any other structure. There was a broken archway leading into the deep forest in one edge of the large pond, a bit of open space in front of it, but the rest of the pond was surrounded by trees and bushes.

It was a well hidden place and Felix had no idea how to get out of here. He didn’t know where he was or how to navigate his way back to Chan.

He watched the moon slowly lower itself and just as the first ray of the morning sky danced across the sky, something inside him stirred. He didn’t know what came over him as he went into the pond, the water soaking his pants. He stared at the sky, to the east as the sun looked down upon him, the water sparkling in the bright light. A warmth spread in his body, starting from his chest and bloomed out to his hands, to the tips of his fingers.

Fear dug its claws into his heart as a golden light erupted from below him. What was going on? He was too scared to even utter a word as it wrapped around him, a tingling sensation coursed through his body before the light faded.

He blinked, looking around the pond.

It looked the same as the sun rose on the sky, brightening his surroundings.

“Hey,” a voice, small and squeaky, said and Felix spun around to see a small squirrel on the edge of the pond. “How are you feeling?” it asked and Felix just stared. The squirrel sighed, squishing its cheek in its tiny paws. “Yes I am a squirrel and yes I’m talking.”

“Y-you-”

“I was cursed okay!” the squirrel said, paws dropping. “Seems like he got you too.”

“What are you… talking about?”

The squirrel stared at him with wide, dark eyes, just blinking. The fear suddenly returned and Felix looked down on his hands, or what would have been his hands. Instead of hands, all he had was a pair of white wings.

“What is going on?” he asked, looking back at the squirrel and then down on his reflection, then back up again. His heart was rushing, hammering against his ribcage. “W-why am I a swan?”

“There… there’s a wizard,” the squirrel said and Felix nodded, swallowing hard as he swam a bit closer to the edge of the pond. He could hear a bird tweeting and a second later, a blackbird landed beside the squirrel. The squirrel gave the bird a look before looking back at Felix. “There’s a wizard right, the man you met earlier.”

Felix nodded. Had he been told that the man was a wizard yesterday, he wouldn’t have believed it but the wings seemed to be a pretty good proof of it.

“He wants my kingdom,” he mumbled and the squirrel nodded. “But why did he curse you?”

“Beats me,” the blackbird suddenly said, their voice gruffer than the squirrel’s, and Felix jumped a bit in surprise. “I think he just needed someone to test it out on. Try the spell.”

“W-who are you?” he asked carefully, looking between the two.

“We’re just peasants from the kingdom, nothing important,” the squirrel said, waving his little paw in the air.

“I asked who you were, not your social status,” Felix said and the squirrel blinked. “May I please know your names?”

“Oh,” the blackbird said softly, looking at the squirrel before turning back to Felix. “I’m Changbin.”

“I’m Jisung,” the squirrel finally said and Felix hummed. “I’m assuming you’re Felix.”

“H-how did you know?”

Jisung shrugged and Changbin snorted.

“The villagers talk,” Jisung said, sitting down on the edge to the pond. “There’s been talk about the prince marrying and your name came up. I’ve seen the prince once or twice, you don’t look like him.”

“No, I don’t,” Felix said, looking around his surroundings again. “I need to get… I need to get away from here. I need to find Chan.”

“Yeah well,” Jisung began, paw scratching behind his ear. “That’s… kind of the thing, I guess. We haven’t found our way out of here yet.”

“Oh,” Felix said, cursing in his head. “I guess… I guess I just have to wait,” he continued and Jisung nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled before adding a quick, “your highness.”

“No…” Felix whispered, turning around in the water to swim away. He needed some space, some time to think. “Just- Just Felix is fine,” he mumbled, turning his back to Jisung and Changbin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first day in the ruins was odd to say the least, but nightfall came, the sky quickly turning a dark blue and pushed down the orange and pink in the horizon. Specs of white gleamed on the dark blue canvas as the almost full, white moon rose.

Felix remembered the man’s, the wizard’s, instructions. For him to turn back into a human, he needed to be in the water, he needed to let the moonlight touch his wings. As the moonlight hit the surface of the water, causing it to sparkle in a soft silver, the same warm feeling he’d experienced earlier filled him. Silver wrapped around him and almost lifted him from the surface of the water.

When the silver faded, Felix was once again human, looking down on his human hands. He exhaled, breath trembling and tears clouded his vision. He was so confused and lost in this whole situation. His father was most likely dead and Chan would never find him. With the water reaching up to his knees, Felix hid his face in his hands and cried.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The man, wizard according to Jisung, returned that night and just the mere sight of him made Felix sick. He looked pleased with himself as he walked down the broken stairs towards Felix. He chuckled as Felix looked up at him, eyes glossy and cheeks wet.

“So,” he began, unable to hold back the laughter. “I understand it as you’ve seen what you are now.”

“What have you done to me?” Felix hissed, standing up, his whole body tense. “How do I break this?”

“I’m afraid you can’t break it on your own,” the man said and Felix narrowed his eyes. He chuckled. “You’re going to need your beloved prince to break it,” he continued and Felix’s blood ran cold.

“What does Chan have to do with this?” he asked, trying to keep his tone as nonchalant as possible. If he needed Chan to break it, it was over for him. He was stuck here, without any idea on how to get away.

“He needs to make a vow to you, in front of the whole world,” the wizard began and Felix’s frown deepened. “If he makes a vow of everlasting love to you, in front of the whole world, the spell is going to,” he snapped his fingers, “poof, disappear like that.”

Felix glared. The man knew he wouldn’t be able to find Chan, not as a human so he could explain things. He closed his hands into tight fists.

“What do you want from me?”

“I told you yesterday. I just need you to give me the kingdom, little princeling,” he said and Felix felt sick. He clenched his jaw, glaring at the wizard.

“Take it,” he sneered. “You seem to have the power. I’m not giving you anything, just take it.”

“That’s the thing,” the man said, sighing and shaking his head. “If you take something forcefully, you will have to fight to keep it,” he continued, looking down into the ground before looking back up at Felix, a grin stretching on his thin lips. “But if you just give it to me-”

“I said,” Felix cut him off, “that I would not give you anything.”

The wizard growled, grin wiped off his lips as he glared at Felix. He sighed and shook his head, turning around.

“I guess you’ll rot here then, little princeling,” he hissed before walking back up the stairs, leaving Felix alone with the deafening silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix wasn’t really sure how much time had passed, he had lost count after two weeks. He had gotten into a routine, he slept for the most of the day as a swan, lazily drifting around in the water when he was not asleep, and during the night he was back to being human, except for the nights when there was no moonlight to touch his wings.

The wizard still visited him every now and then, asking for his kingdom but Felix kept refusing. He wasn’t going to give anything away and he wasn’t going to let this man break him.

During his time here, he’d gotten to know Changbin and Jisung. They were a young couple, Jisung being the same age as Felix and Changbin being just a year older, living in the village beside the castle. They had grown up together, much like Chan and Felix, as their parents had been working at the same farm. They had gotten married young, gotten work in town, Jisung as the assistant to the blacksmith and Changbin at a bakery, and they had been happy.

Then they got kidnapped.

“But why are you still animals while I’m…” Felix trailed off, gesturing to himself as he sat down on the broken staircase. Jisung let out a little squeak, scurrying down the tree to climb into Felix’s lap instead. He curled up, closing his eyes as Felix gently began to pet him.

“As we said, we were the… test run,” Changbin said as he landed on the railing to the stairs and Felix looked up at him. “Don’t you dare pet me,” he said before Felix could even try and reach out.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just grumpy because he misses my kisses,” Jisung mumbled from Felix’s lap, turning a little so he was laying on his back, the white fur on his stomach exposed. Changbin grumbled something but it was too low for Felix to actually hear what he said.

“I honestly don’t know the logic behind what we turned into,” Jisung said, stretching in Felix’s lap and Felix couldn’t help but coo at the squirrel. Jisung then blinked, looking over at Changbin. “I would have asked him to be a bird. Flying sounds nice.”

“The beak isn’t very pleasant though. Had I been a squirrel too we could rub noses at least. Right now I live in fear of pecking your eyes out,” Changbin said, landing on Felix’s shoulder. “I’d trade with you if you want, boo,” he said, looking down on Jisung who just swatted his paw up towards the blackbird.

“I’m on Changbin’s side with the beak,” Felix said, poking Jisung’s stomach and Jisung let out a squeak, paws now swatting Felix’s hand away from him.

“Stop,” he said, weakly pushing Felix’s finger away from him. “You’re using the fact that you’re a human to your advantage.”

“Isn’t he cute?” Changbin asked from Felix’s shoulder and Felix hummed. He pulled his hand back from Jisung and reached out to pet Changbin’s head. He saw Changbin close his eyes for a second before he let out an offended caw. “I said no petting!”

“Who’s cute now, love?” Jisung asked and Felix turned back to the squirrel. If squirrels could look smug, Jisung was definitely looking smug right now. Changbin let out a strangled sound, something sounding like a mix of a groan and a caw. Jisung just snickered.

Felix laughed, pulling his hand back from Changbin to rest them in his lap instead. The curse was awful and he wished nothing but to return to Chan. But he had company, he had individuals he would call friends by now to make his life a bit easier.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Is he going to find you?” Jisung asked one day as he was sitting in a tree, close to the pond where Felix was just drifting lazily. The sun was moving towards the horizon and Felix honestly couldn’t wait for the moon again. The last night had been a moonless night and he was starting to feel uncomfortable, squished together in this body.

Felix looked up, tilting his head.

“Prince Chan,” Jisung clarified and Felix felt a pang in his heart. “Do you think he’ll find you?”

“I don’t….” Felix trailed off, sighing. “I don’t know. There was… there was a lot of blood when I was… when I was kidnapped. Either he’s looking for me, or they just assumed I’m dead l-like my father and… and never went looking for me.”

“But your body wasn’t there, they must have realized that?” Jisung asked, blinking at Felix with his wide dark eyes.

“I would assume but Jisung…” he said slowly, glancing up towards the darkening sky. “There was bodies maimed beyond recognition. One of them could have been me.”

“Oh,” Jisung said softly, not pushing the matter further. They continued to chat, Jisung telling Felix all about his and Changbin’s life before they were kidnapped. Felix told him about Chan, about their childhood and how much he missed him.

“Hey,” Changbin said as he landed on the side of the pond. “So, I got some updates on this whole… let’s get out of here project I’m working on.”

“Oh?” Jisung said, bouncing over to sit down beside Changbin. Changbin had been working on mapping out the area and maybe find a way out so they could maybe, just maybe, break this curse.

“Yes,” Changbin said, looking between Felix and Jisung. “Not only did I manage to find a way to get back to the village, it’s a long path by foot though, but I found the prince too.”

“What?”

“Prince Chan,” Changbin said, looking towards the forest beyond the broken staircase. “He’s out hunting for something,” he continued and Felix widened his eyes. “If we could get him here… you might luck out and get the moonlight to transform you back into a human.”

“That’s… that’s a very good idea Bin,” Jisung said, tilting his head and Changbin just snorted, mumbling a quiet ‘I know’.

“Do we- do we go after him now?” Felix asked, nervousness suddenly swirling in his stomach and Changbin just nodded, quickly taking off. Felix stretched out his wings, taking a deep breath before following Changbin.

“Good luck!” Jisung called after them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix’s heart was pounding in his ribcage as he and Changbin crossed the sky. They had found Chan and like Changbin said, he was hunting something. What it was, Felix wasn’t sure. After bothering him enough, it seemed like Chan had decided to hunt the two of them down instead. He was right behind them, the sound of horse hooves against the forest floor thundering and Felix had never been more thankful that Chan had such a poor aim with the bow. Maybe he shouldn’t help Chan with his archery in the future.

They landed in bushes on the opposite side of the pond, hiding in the shadows as they watched Chan get off his horse, approaching the pond with the string pulled back. Felix rolled his eyes. Chan should really just stick with the sword and not even come close to a bow and arrow.

“Hey,” Jisung said, gently nudging Felix with his small paw. “You should go out there now. This is your chance.”

As Jisung said that, it dawned on Felix. This was his chance. Maybe his only chance. He might not ever get another chance to see Chan, to explain things to him.

He took a deep breath, his heart still racing, before he opened his wings. He glided through the air, flapping his wings to land in the water right in front of Chan. As he landed, making a small splash as he did, Chan jumped in surprise and turned to aim his bow at Felix. His arms were trembling from the strain of pulling back the string. Had Felix been human, he would have smacked Chan in the back of his head, as this was such a beginners mistake.

A familiar warmth suddenly wrapped around him and he looked down, seeing the silver reflection of the moon. He turned his head up to look at Chan, who had now lowered his bow, staring at Felix with a frown on his face.

The water began to move a little, a silver light erupting from the water closest to him. He could see Chan shielding his eyes from the bright light and he let his own eyes fall shut, allowing the silver to envelop him as he changed forms.

The light faded, the warm sensation lingering for just a second longer before it too faded. He could hear Chan gasp, the bow clattering against the stone. He opened his eyes, his heart pounding and blood rushing in his ears as his gaze fell upon Chan.

For a second, there was only the two of them and time stood still. Oh how Felix had missed Chan. Tears welled up in his eyes and he tried to blink them away, but they just rolled down his cheeks. He tried to speak, to call for Chan but the lump in his throat prevented him from doing so.

“Felix,” Chan said in disbelief, eyes wide and jaw slack. He took a careful step towards Felix, his hands trembling. “I-Is it really you?” he asked. Felix just nodded, unable to speak as he stood in the pond, water reaching up his calves. He took a shuddering breath and a step towards Chan. That seemed to snap Chan out of his daze, his eyes suddenly focused as he ran towards Felix.

The water splashed around them as Chan ran into Felix’s awaiting arms, wrapping his arms around Felix’s waist. With a sob, all emotions coming crashing down, Felix wrapped his arms around Chan’s neck, letting himself cry into Chan’s shoulder.

Chan was mumbling his name in his ear, his grip of Felix’s waist tightening.

“You’re here,” he whispered as Felix loosened his grip of his neck. He let go of Felix’s waist, leaning back so he could take Felix’s face in his hands as he just looked at him. “Y-You’re really here.”

“I-I am,” Felix whispered, placing his hand on top of Chan’s hand. “Y-you found me,” he continued, choking on a sob before Chan brought him in for a kiss. Felix’s hand dropped from his cheek, placing it on Chan’s shoulder. There was an underlying desperation in the kiss as they both just tugged the other closer, trying to savor this very moment. Felix’s hands we desperately trying to grab onto Chan’s shirt, but he couldn’t get a good grip of the smooth leather.

“I thought I’d lost you,” Chan whispered as they parted, resting his forehead against Felix’s. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and Felix let out a shaking breath, drying the tears off Chan’s cheeks with trembling fingers. “There was so much blood. I thought- I thought-”

“I’m here, sunshine,” Felix whispered and Chan let out a small laugh, drying Felix’s wet cheeks. “I’m here.”

“I looked for you,” Chan mumbled, stroking Felix’s hair. “W-we found your carriage and… I’m so sorry Felix,” he stuttered and even though he sort of knew it, Chan’s words just broke his heart.

“W-was he-”

“He died just after we got there,” Chan said, sniffling a little and another sob slipped past Felix’s lips. He buried his face in Chan’s chest. “I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s unfair,” Felix cried. Chan hummed, his chest vibrating as he did and he stroked Felix’s back. “H-he shouldn’t have died. He shouldn’t-” he inhaled sharply, gasping for air.

“Breathe duckling,” Chan said, still stroking Felix’s back soothingly. “Deep breaths,” he continued and Felix focused on breathing, his heart aching in his chest as he held onto Chan. “There we go,” Chan whispered as Felix’s breathing got slower.

Felix sniffled, still holding onto Chan’s shoulders tightly.

“I was so scared,” he whispered, looking up to meet Chan’s gaze. Chan’s eyes was so gentle as he just looked at Felix, the worry so clear and apparent. “I was so scared you’d never find me. Or maybe forget me.”

“Felix, my love and my heart,” Chan murmured, leaning his forehead against Felix’s as he tenderly dried his wet cheeks. “Did you really think I would forget you?” he asked and Felix sniffled, his hands moving up to Chan’s face. He needed to just touch him, make sure he was real.

“I was just scared,” he mumbled and Chan hummed, not breaking eye contact with him. He just looked at Felix, studying every detail of his face as he carefully stroked his cheeks.

“You don’t have to be scared anymore, duckling,” he said and Felix’s breathing hitched, getting caught in his throat and his chest tightened. “I’m here to bring you home.”

Sadness washed over Felix, more tears welling up in his eyes and he sobbed. Chan frowned, looking worried as he dried the fresh tears that rolled down Felix’s cheeks.

“I can’t leave,” he whispered, his voice cracking and he just stroked Chan’s cheek. “I can’t leave this place.”

“Why?” Chan asked, clearly confused. Felix sniffled, meeting Chan’s eyes. His heart felt so heavy, sadness piercing it and wrapping around him like a thick blanket, slowly suffocating him.

“You saw what happened… I’m under a curse and...” he said slowly, resting his hand on Chan’s jaw. “When the sun rises, I’ll become a swan again.”

Chan was silent for a moment, just staring at Felix with his brows knitted together and worry in his eyes. Felix held onto him, never wanting to let go. Fate was cruel sometimes.

“How can I break it?” he finally asked, stroking his fingers over Felix’s blond hair.

“What?”

“The curse,” Chan said quietly, an earnest look in his eyes, his fingers now ghosting over Felix’s temple. “How can I break it?” he asked. Felix swallowed, averting his eyes and he bit his bottom lip. “There has to be a way for me to break it,” Chan said, voice suddenly full of doubt.

“There is,” he whispered, still not looking up until Chan placed his hand on his jaw, gently tilting his head up so he could meet Felix’s eyes.

“What is it?”

“It- You…” Felix sighed, trying to swallow the lump that was building up in his throat. “You must… You must make a vow o-of everlasting love…”

“But I-”

“For the whole world to hear,” Felix whispered, cutting Chan off and silence rang in the air. “I don’t… I can’t even become human without the moon, without being here… so I don’t…” He swallowed, blinking back tears. “I don’t think you can break the curse, sunshine.”

Chan stared at him and Felix sniffled, bringing a hand up to dry the tears.

“My mother is… My mother is hosting a ball, in two days,” Chan said, breaking the silence and Felix looked up, eyes glossy and vision blurry. Chan reached out, taking Felix’s small and soft hand so gently in his. “Come to the ball,” he said, stroking Felix’s hand with his thumb, “and I’ll…. I’ll make my vow to you, in front of everyone.”

Felix’s heart skipped a beat, the heavy weight on his shoulder slowly disappearing. He didn’t say anything, as his throat was closing up and his chest tightened. He just nodded, letting go of Chan’s hand to wrap his arms around him, hugging him closely as he cried out in relief. Maybe he’d finally be rid of the curse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chan stayed the night, keeping Felix company. As they were sitting at the overgrown patio, Jisung and Changbin had approached, introducing themselves to Chan. It felt good, to have Chan back and Felix suddenly felt like maybe, just maybe things would become normal again.

But good things always came to an end and as the moon moved lower on the sky, the sun almost peeking over the horizon, Felix stood up with a heavy sigh.

“You have to leave,” he said, staring into the distant horizon as the moon slowly began to disappear.

“Why?” Chan asked, frowning as he stood up.

“I don’t…” Felix sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want you to see this.”

Chan sighed but he nodded anyway. Felix was about to leave, to head into the water again as Chan took his hand, stopping him.

“I love you so much,” he said and Felix’s chest tightened. “I will break this curse and bring you back home.”

“I love you,” Felix whispered, tears rising in his eyes. He just wished things were so different. He wished to be home, with Chan, to share his life with him.

“Before you leave,” Chan said, letting go to reach into his pocket. Felix’s heart stuttered as he saw the familiar, thin gold chain. He remained frozen as Chan fastened the necklace around his neck, not moving until Chan had pulled his hands back. He touched the small necklace, his heart beating fast and eyes wide. “Always remember me, okay?”

“I could never forget you,” Felix said in a low voice, lips trembling as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. Chan gently cradled Felix’s face in his hands. “You need to leave,” Felix whispered as they parted and Chan nodded, sorrow swimming in his eyes.

“Not tonight, but the night after that,” he mumbled and Felix nodded.

“I’ll be there,” he promised, his heart aching and his soul screaming as Chan left. He was so utterly helpless in this situation and he wanted nothing more than for things to return to what they used to be. He sighed, biting back more tears as he turned back to the pond. The first rays of the morning danced across the sky and with a heavy heart, he stepped into the clear water.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felix felt nothing but disgust as the wizard came to visit this morning, the moon still on the sky. He had been sitting by the edge of the pond, talking to Changbin and Jisung about balls and how the inside of the castle looked, promising them he would show them if they ever broke the curse that had ensnared the three of them.

But then the wizard appeared, nasty grin on his lip and Felix just glared, standing up as he got closer. He straightened his back, lifting his chin slightly.  

“I heard you got a visitor last night,” the wizard said as he reached Felix, stopping about two meters away from him.

“What is that to you?” he sneered and the wizard shook his head.

“Nothing,” he said. “I was merely curious of what you and your lover talked about.”

“That doesn’t concern you,” Felix said, anger bubbling inside him. He hated this man with every fiber of his being and he just wanted to get away from him.

“Don’t think I didn’t hear,” the wizard said and Felix tried to remain as cold as before, to not show the slightest hint of surprise. “I have eyes and ears everywhere, my dear Felix… and I heard that he will try to break my little spell.”

“Yes he will,” Felix snapped. “He’s going to break the curse tomorrow and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

“Oh, I don’t need to do anything,” the wizard said, that sick grin stretching on his lips again. “See, my dear Felix, you’re forgetting an important detail here.”

“What?” Felix asked, furrowing his brows.

“To go to the ball, you need to be human,” the man began. An uncomfortable feeling was creeping up on Felix. “To become a human, you need the moon,” he continued, gesturing towards the sky and Felix turned around.

He stared at the moon as it moved lower and lower on the sky, eyes flickering over to the rising sun. There was that same weird feeling stirring inside him, telling him that he had to get to the water.

“And tomorrow,” the wizard said as Felix turned around to stare at him in fear. He was moving away from Felix, away from the pond. Tears rolled down Felix’s cheeks as realization settled in. “There will not be a moon tomorrow,” he finished, leaving Felix alone with his laughter echoing in his ears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

True to the wizard’s word, the following night, there was no moon on the sky and Felix remained a swan, unable to go to the ball. Sorrow was swirling in his chest as he thought about Chan. Oh how he just longed for him. The cold autumn air felt even colder tonight.

“What should I do?” he asked Changbin and Jisung. Jisung was sitting on the edge of the pond and Changbin was perched up in a tree. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do.”

“You should go there, maybe give Chan a sign that things didn’t work out and maybe he’ll return and you can try and figure out a way to solve this,” Jisung suggested, earning an agreeing hum from the blackbird in the tree.

“But-”

“Listen,” Changbin began and Felix looked up at him. “This might be it. You need to do something to try and get out of this.”

“Yeah,” Jisung said, nodding his little head. Felix sighed, looking down into the water at his reflection before looking up at his friends again.

“You’re right,” he said and Changbin hummed again, flittering down from the branch to land beside Jisung. “I’ll… I’ll go to the castle.”

“I can show you the way,” Changbin said and Felix nodded. Jisung let out a little happy squeak and stood up.

“Good luck!” he said as Felix stretched out his wings, preparing to take flight. “Be careful,” Jisung called after them as they left the pond and the ruins behind, Felix following Changbin’s lead, toward the castle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The castle was lit up, carriages lined up in front of the grand door leading into the castle and to the ballroom. It looked like a usual ball at this castle, as grand as ever.

Felix took a deep breath before flying closer to the castle. He picked one of the large windows, where he could get a good view of the ballroom. He could hear the music playing, even through the window and his heart was pounding as he was scanning the room.

Fear and confusion all washed over him when he finally spotted Chan. He was on the dance floor, dancing with… Felix.

The wizard.

The wizard must have made a doppelganger of some sort, there to trick Chan. Panic wrapped around Felix, his mind racing as he tried to think of what to do. What was the wizard planning? What would happen if… What would happen if Chan made the vow to the wrong person?

Felix pecked his beak against the window, hoping to get some attention from someone, but the music was still playing and drowned out the sound. His heart was hammering in his chest and his gut just dropped as Chan and the doppelganger stopped.

He watched as Chan raised a hand, bringing the music to a halt. He tried again, but the only one that looked up at him was the doppelganger. The doppelganger looked up, eyes wide before spotting Felix and a grin stretched on his lips as he hugged Chan’s arm. Chan glanced at the doppelganger, a fond smile on his lips and Felix felt sick.

He couldn’t hear what Chan said, but judging by how he kept looking at the doppelganger, this was it. This was Chan making his vow to the wrong person.

“Stupid princeling. You should have given up your kingdom when I asked you nicely,” a voice suddenly rang in Felix’s head and he looked around. He recognized the voice as the wizard’s but he couldn’t see anything. “Do you know what happens when he makes the vow to the wrong person?” the wizard continued and Felix could feel horror creep up at him

He looked down at Chan, who was just busy staring at the doppelganger with so much love in his eyes. Sorrow filled his body, mixing with the fear.

As Chan said something, his lips moving before they just stretched into a wide smile, it felt like a blade suddenly pieced his chest and Felix gasped, dropping a bit in the air before catching himself.

“When he made the vow to the wrong person,” the wizard said, the horrible laughter echoing in Felix’s ears as he began to make his way back to the pond and the ruins. Something was wrong and he needed to get back. “When he made that vow, he sentenced you to death, little princeling.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It hurt.

Everything hurt, but mostly his heart. It felt like it was being pieced by shards of glass. He couldn’t keep to the sky anymore, his body getting far too weak to fly and he just barely made it to the ground before his swan form just dissipated. He stumbled, just barely catching himself as he fell to the cold stone floor.

His breathing was harsh, shallow as he struggled to keep breathing. Tears welled up in his eyes, the lump in his throat making it even harder to breathe.

He knew Chan loved him. He knew that. But perhaps this was the fate intended for them. Maybe they weren’t supposed to be together.

He gasped for air, feeling like he was slowly suffocating on the cold stone under the dark sky. Tears ran down his cheeks as his eyes fell shut. Things would have been so different, had there only been a moon on the sky.

“Felix?” Jisung asked, his voice small and Felix could hear him scurry over the stone. He was slowly becoming numb, his heartbeat slowing down by the second. “Felix, what is happening?” he asked, his small paws warm against Felix’s cheek as he petted it lightly. He opened his eyes, his eyelids heavy and looked at Jisung.

“Chan was-” he gasped for air, more tears spilling down his cheeks. “He was tricked,” he managed to get out, his eyelids too heavy for him to even keep open anymore.

“Felix!” Chan’s panicked voice broke the silent night air and Felix could feel Chan’s warm hands on his cheeks, the pad of his thumb brushing over his cheekbone.

“Chan,” he breathed, his voice weak and he forced his eyes open. He couldn’t see Chan clearly, tears blurring his sight and black dots obscuring his vision. “S-sunshine,” he murmured, inhaling sharply as a sharp pain coursed through his body. He tried to lift his arm, to reach out and touch Chan’s face just one more time.

“I’m here, duckling,” Chan whispered, taking Felix’s hand to guide it to his cheek. He closed his eyes for a second, pressing Felix’s cold hand against his warm cheek with his hand, holding it there as he opened his eyes. “I’m here.”

“I-I’m glad,” Felix said, his voice barely audible and his breathing shallow. “I love you.”

“I made that vow for you, y-you know that, duckling,” Chan said, choking on his words as he gently pressed Felix’s hand against his chest. His hand was slightly numb, but under his palm he could feel Chan’s heartbeat, strong and fast. “My heart beats for you and only you.”

“I know, sunshine,” Felix breathed as black spots began to cloud his vision and he could no longer feel his legs or arms. “I-I don’t-” he gasped for air, struggling to breathe. “I wanted to marry you,” he whispered before everything went black, the last thing he felt was Chan’s hands on his face and he could hear Chan calling out his name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Warmth was spreading through his body, starting from his chest before reaching outwards to his arms and legs and at last his fingers and his toes. Consciousness came to him slowly and the world around him got louder, clearer.

He could hear Chan, his breathing uneven and broken sobs ripping from his chest. As he became more aware of his surroundings, Felix could feel a hand brush over his hair, stroking his cheek. There was some warmth radiating from behind him and it took him a moment to realize that he was laying in someone’s arms.

“-me back to me,” he heard Chan’s voice, distant but growing closer. His heart ached. He wanted nothing than to be with Chan. “Duckling,” Chan sobbed, pressing his forehead against Felix’s. “Don’t leave me. Please open your eyes.”

It hurt, to hear Chan cry and Felix wanted nothing more than to open his eyes, hold a hand on Chan’s cheek and tell him everything would be okay. But his body was still numb and he just couldn’t open his eyes, his eyelids were too heavy.

After what felt like eternity, being forced to listen to Chan’s cries, he finally had the strength to open his eyes.

“Chan,” he said weakly, barely a whisper as his eyes fluttered open. It took him a second to get adjusted to the light, his vision blurry for just a moment. He was indeed laying in Chan’s arms, his body weak and numb as he looked up at Chan. His warm brown eyes were glossy, tears staining his cheek and a purple bruise blooming on his chin. He looked so broken as he gazed down at Felix, eyes slowly widening. “I-I’m here,” he managed to get out, tears welling up in his eyes, clouding his vision again, as relief filled his heart. Another sob slipped past Chan’s lips, tears rolling down his cheeks as he placed a hand on Felix’s cheek, leaning down to rest his forehead against Felix’s again.

“Duckling,” he sobbed, closing his eyes as he cried. His body was shaking and Felix mustered whatever strength he had to bring his hand up to the back of Chan’s head. He petted his hair weakly. As Chan leaned back, Felix’s hand almost slipped off and fell to the ground but Chan took it carefully, pressing it against hit wet cheek.

“I love you so much,” Felix whispered, choking on the sob that bubbled in his chest. “I w-was so scared.”

Chan gently placed Felix’s hand on the ground, possibly sensing that Felix had no strength left and he shifted a little, bringing Felix up so he was sitting. When he was sitting up, he hugged Felix, nose buried in Felix’s shoulder as another sob tore through his body.

“I thought I’d lost you,” he cried into Felix’s shoulder. Felix only hummed, tears rolling down his cheek as he cried out the pain that had occupied his heart. “I love you. I-I can’t live without you,” he continued, holding onto Felix as if his life depended on it.

They remained like that, just holding onto each other as they calmed down.

“I-Is he dead?” Felix asked as Chan’s sobs quieted down. Chan leaned back, holding onto Felix’s shoulders as he did. He stared at Felix, not saying a single word, he just nodded. Felix just looked at Chan, into his glossy eyes and he raised his hand to dry the tears off Chan’s cheek.

“He’s gone,” Chan promised, voice cracking ever so slightly. “I-I think the curse is broken.”

“I’d say it is,” a familiar voice said and Felix turned his eyes away from Chan just as two individuals walked out of the bushes. They were both fairly short. The one in the front had round cheeks and big eyes, soft smile on his lips as he sat down on his knees beside Felix, his soft brown hair messy. The one behind him had a more angular face, sharp chin and sleepy eyes, his black hair almost covering his eyes.

“Y-you’re-” Felix began, at loss for words. Jisung, the brown haired one of the two, nodded.

“He’s dead, his magic is gone,” Jisung said, glancing up at Changbin behind him as Changbin placed a hand on Jisung’s shoulder. In the golden rays of the morning, Felix could see the slight gleam of the wedding bands around their fingers. “We’re all free.”

The words just made something inside Felix click and once again the tears welled up. He couldn’t believe it. He held onto Chan, cried into his chest as Chan just soothingly rocked him back and forth. They were truly free now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The winter was cold, but with the fire sparking quietly in the corner of the room, now their bedroom, and Chan beside him, Felix felt nothing but warm. He took a deep breath, running his finger down Chan’s chest and the soft, black lace of his sleeping shirt.

He was laying on his stomach, an elbow propped up under him as he looked down on Chan. Chan, among the soft, pale bedsheets, looked ethereal as he gazed up at Felix, his hand resting on Felix’s cheek. His eyes were hooded, sleepy grin on his face as his thumb brushed over Felix's cheekbone.

“You’re dressed up tonight,” Felix noted, leaning down to press his lips against Chan’s collarbone. “All for me, sunshine?” he asked as he pulled back. Chan laughed, his cheeks dusted with pink.

“You’re always so dressed up,” he said, smiling as Felix moved his hand to gently stroke his eyebrow. ”I think you deserve to be in well-dressed company.”

“You’re breathtaking,” he whispered, brushing his fingers over Chan’s temple before moving it back to Chan’s chest, his hand resting above Chan’s heart. His heartbeat was slow, steady and strong. “And I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Chan murmured, sleep lacing his voice and Felix smiled, leaning down to press his lips against Chan’s. It was slow, a tad bit sleepy and lazy, without any rush. They had all the time in the world.

“I can’t wait to marry you,” Felix said quietly, his hand quickly finding Chan’s. He brushed his finger over Chan’s, tracing his ring finger absentmindedly, eyes fixed on the thin silver band of the engagement ring. “I want to spend my forever with you.”

“Oh duckling,” Chan cooed, lacing his fingers together with Felix’s. “I have been looking forward to our forever for so long.”

“I can’t believe it’s happening,” Felix whispered, shifting a little so he was laying on top of Chan. Chan groaned a little under his weight but his chest vibrated as he laughed. It made Felix feel so warm inside. “I can’t believe I’m marrying you tomorrow,” he whispered, voice thick as emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

“Finally,” Chan said and Felix hummed, pressing a kiss in the corner of Chan’s lips. “Tomorrow,” he mumbled, cut off by Felix kissing him again and he chuckled, one hand finding its way to the back of Felix’s head, fingers tangling in the blond hair and his other hand brushed over the sheer, white fabric of Felix’s nightgown. “Tomorrow you’ll be my husband.”

“Tomorrow you’ll be the king,” Felix hummed, rolling off Chan to lay on his side instead. Chan rolled over to his side, looking at Felix with so much love as he reached out to stroke Felix’s hair.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

“Even with the hair?” Felix asked quietly after a heartbeat of silence. Chan’s smile only got wider as he brushed Felix’s hair away from his forehead. “It’s not too odd, is it?”

“I said this before, when we were younger,” he said softly and Felix swallowed, his heart drumming in his ribcage as Chan inched closer. He kept his gaze locked with Felix’s, his brown eyes so soft. “Do you remember what I said, duckling?”

“I-”

“I’ll always like you, I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The snow was falling softly, the already fallen white powder gently creaking under Felix’s shoes as he walked down the aisle. The small orchestra was playing the wedding march so softly, so gently and butterflies fluttered in his stomach. He tightened his grip of Changbin’s arm, glancing over to his friend.

“It’s beautiful,” Changbin whispered and Felix nodded, not trusting his voice as he could feel the lump in his throat build up. “I still question why you choose outdoors during the winter, but it is beautiful.”

Felix just laughed, his vision getting a bit blurry with tears. He couldn’t believe it. He had been longing for this day, dreaming of it as he spent his days in the ruins of the old castle, hidden from the world. He had feared this day would never come, that Chan would forget about him and share this with someone else. But now, when he walked down the snow covered path, it was all settling in and happiness wrapped around him

He was going to marry Chan.

He let out a shaky breath, swallowing as they approached the end of the aisle. Changbin loosened his grip of Felix’s arm, gently stroking Felix’s arm and giving him a warm smile before he turned around to join Jisung on the first row. Both of them were dressed in fitted white shirts, ruffles around their necks and black jackets with gold embroidered into the dark fabric. Jisung smiled at Felix, so wide and warm. Felix took another deep breath, trying to regain control of his emotions as he took the last few steps alone. He could see Chan’s feet, his knee high black boots and white pants.

The butterflies in his stomach was going crazy, but he… he was ready. He looked up, bringing down the fur lined hood as he did and his lips shivered slightly.

As his eyes, glossy with tears of pure joy, met with Chan’s warm, brown ones, his breath hitched. Soft, brown curls framed his face, the dimples in his cheeks deep as he smiled so widely, causing Felix’s heartbeat to speed up even more. He was wearing a soft blue jacket, silver embroideries and golden epaulettes. Against the white landscapes around them, he looked to breathtaking. Felix could not help but stare at him.

Felix wasn’t sure if the music had stopped playing or if he had drowned it out. In this moment, there was only the two of them. He just stared into Chan’s eyes, taking in every detail of his face, in awe. Chan studied his face, placing a trembling hand on Felix’s cheek to brush his thumb over his cheekbone.

“Hello duckling,” Chan whispered, only for Felix to hear, his eyes glossy and Felix laughed, a choked sob slipping past his lips.

He knew they were supposed to wait, to exchange vow before they kissed, but it was as if he lost control over his own body. It acted on its own and he placed a hand on Chan’s cheek, leaning in to press a gentle, quick kiss on his lips. Chan laughed, his breath shaky as tears welled up in his eyes.

“Sunshine,” Felix mumbled, resting his forehead against Chan’s as he just looked into Chan’s eyes. “You’re here,” he whispered in almost disbelief.

“I’m here,” Chan assured him, brushing his thumb over Felix’s cheekbone again. “I’ll always be here,” he continued, just looking into Felix’s eyes. It felt like an eternity passed before both of them straightened their backs. Felix blinked the tears away as he looked at the priest. The priest smiled softly at the two of them and Chan gave her a nod.

They were ready.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The music was slow as Chan led Felix up on the floor for the first dance. The traditional way would have been at waltz, but neither of them fancied the wedding waltz really and they had instead agreed on a slow dance as their first dance instead.

They were inside the ballroom, the temperature warmer than the outside and the room was lit up by a thousand candles.

Felix had removed the large, fur trimmed coat, letting the long lace train of his shirt loose. He stopped in front of Chan, his heart so impossibly full and emotions jumbled inside. Chan ran a hand down the lace sleeves of his white shirt, gently taking Felix’s hand. He brought it up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the lace covering the back of Felix’s hand.

“Would you do me the honor, husband of mine?” he asked in a hushed tone, smiling so brightly at Felix.

“There’s nothing I’d rather do, my king,” Felix replied, his voice cracking ever so slightly as emotions bubbled to the surface. He took a deep breath, wrapping his arms around Chan’s neck as Chan placed his on Felix’s waist. They swayed to along to the music, probably. Felix wasn’t sure as he tuned out the rest of the world, only seeing Chan in front of him.

“Duckling,” Chan whispered as they danced, his forehead resting against Felix’s. Felix hummed, staring deep into Chan’s warm eyes. “I have to ask you something.”

“Yes?” Felix said softly, not breaking eye contact.

“Remember when we gave each other the nicknames?” Chan asked and Felix just hummed again, a soft smile stretching his lips as he recalled the memory. “I told you why I called you duckling.”

“You did,” Felix said, brushing his nose against Chan’s before pressing a soft kiss on Chan’s lips.

“You never told me the reason behind sunshine,” Chan said as Felix pulled back, brushing his hand up Felix’s side before it returned to rest on his waist.

“I call you sunshine because-” he swallowed, trying to force down the emotions building up in his chest. “I call you sunshine, for you are the sun in my life. I orbit around you as you bring your light to me. I am but a flower bud and you bring the life to me, helping me blossom.”

Felix could see Chan’s eyes turning glossy as tears welled up in them and he pressed a gentle kiss on Felix’s lips.

“I love you so much duckling,” he whispered, his voice cracking as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“And I love you, sunshine,” Felix said, voice thick with tears. “I love you so much, with my heart and with my soul.”

**Author's Note:**

> sO UH  
> this was a mess where I went "ok lets make it short" but me and Luna just kept adding scenes as time went on... dang.  
> I really tried to practice on how to work clothing descriptions into my writing and I just hope it wasn't too much jdfdfj
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, you can find me @ pinkpunchmango on twitter where I sometimes post teasers on what I write or just yell about random things uwu


End file.
